I want advice about my new love

[BrianneTollison]

Yesterday, I fell in love with a girl, and it's Cupid himself fired an arrow at me and it struck perfectly because I'm so suddenly in love with her. I'm even losing interest in pursuing my other crush who I've wanted to be mine since February, because I'm so in love. There some reasons she's a better choice than my last crush; she's close in age to me as a 20 year old unlike the other woman who was 26 years old (I'm 17), and I know she's attracted to women while the other woman is most likely straight. However, she also lives in Sweden and I only know her through social media, and she also hasn't even really talked to me yet even though we do have mutual friends. She's also a digital and traditional artist instead of a singer or songwriter like me and the other woman, even though I know a lot of people fall in love despite having different interests and we have other things in common. I want to get her attention, but don't know the best way to do so yet, and would like advice from others, and even if it turns out this is just youthful infatuation on my part and not true love advice about relationships will still be good for me to have for the future. I've never been in a relationship or kissed a girl before, so I think it would be nice to be given some advice by people who have.

[Siân]

Hi BrianneTollison!

Wow it sounds like you're swirling with a lot of exciting new feelings!

I know we shared a lot of articles and things with you earlier this year when talking about your other crush, so I don't want to keep going over things we've talked about before - though definitely look back at that last thread and see how it applies to this new person!

I think the biggest thing that strikes me in what you just wrote is how strong your feelings are for not having interacted with her at all yet. When we first find ourselves interested in someone new it can be very easy to get caught up in all the ways we imagine them to be perfect for us - or not - based on the scraps of information we have available. The thing is though, that that isn't really a lot to go on. You know that you find her attractive, and have some things in common, but it's through conversations and spending time with people that we get to really know them and how compatible - or not - we are. Maybe then, what these feelings are really telling you is that you're curious to find out more about her? In the meantime, it's worth being aware of how she's responding, and if she wants to get to know you too. Does that make sense?

[BrianneTollison]

I will look back at the old articles. Thank you and the others in that thread for helping me by giving me advice that is applicable to not just one situation, but really infinite situations.

I do need to have a conversation with someone if I want to have a personal relationship, which I will do eventually. I used to be an artist like her, but don't draw often anymore and am finding I don't like drawing as much as I used to. I think I'll try commissioning her to get closer to her when I have the money, do you think that is a good idea? I do want to know more about her. I understand sometimes you can feel in love but then realize you were actually confused and felt something that wasn't really romantic love but instead admiration or friendship. Thank you for the advice, Siân!

[Sam W]

Hi BrianneTollison,

I would actually caution against using a commission as a way of getting closer to her, because that introduces a dynamic where you're a customer of hers. That could potentially make her feel uncomfortable if you try to use the commission as more than just the commission, since she's likely to be treating it as a business transaction rather than as a way of getting to know you.

If you're looking for ways to get to know her, if you have mutual friends do you think they'd be open to introducing you two? Or would you rather try striking up a conversation around shared hobbies or interests with her, assuming that's something she's comfortable with?

[BrianneTollison]

Hey Sam W. I will keep your suggestion in mind and not use a commission to get closer. It's a silly idea, as love should ideally be free and not dependent on person paying the other. I'll consider joining or setting up a group chat with some mutual friends we have on Instagram, because I feel that is a great idea. Thank you for the advice, and I hope I can find happiness.

[Heather]

I also think besides the payment issue, it's just dishonest and a violation to make it look like you're seeking out a professional exchange or other work-thing with someone when you're actually after intimacy. I'm glad you've nixed this idea.