Awkwardness in a new relationship

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Hel
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Location: Austria

Awkwardness in a new relationship

Unread postby Hel » Tue Sep 22, 2020 2:24 am

The guy that I've been going out with the past few weeks told me he has a crush on me, and I told him I like him back. We've kissed a few times since then, held hands, hugged, and other stuff like that, which is awesome. We have also been out on several dates. (Nothing sexy, because we're both pretty innocent people. Just hanging out in the park, ice cream, dinner, etc.)

He's nerdy and sweet, and seems like a great guy - I've only heard good things about him from the other kids at school. The only thing is, both of us are pretty awkward when it comes to romance. We both know it, and sometimes we'll even say something like: 'wow, we're bad at this' or 'I have no idea what to do now'. At least we're on the same page... But I really like him and I want to be in a more serious relationship. How should I go about that?

Also, should I ask him out again? (I have a cold right now, so obviously I'll wait until I get better, because I don't want to get him sick.) Since it is the 21st century, I think I am perfectly capable of asking him out. But I also don't want to come on too strong. I want him to remain interested in me. Should I wait for him to ask me out again?

Last thing: I asked him if I can call him my boyfriend, and I think it may have been too soon. I mean, he said that if I wanted to call him that, it was fine... I am sure he really likes me, but maybe I should have waited longer? Neither of us have ever been in such a spontaneous relationship - I haven't known him that long. But we decided to try this out, so I feel like I want to call him my boyfriend. What do I do?

Sam W
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Posts: 6738
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
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Location: Desert

Re: Awkwardness in a new relationship

Unread postby Sam W » Tue Sep 22, 2020 7:04 am

Hi Hel,

I'm glad you both feel able to acknowledge the awkward, since that goes a long way towards helping things feel more comfortable, or feeling like you're able to navigate the awkward parts together. As far as asking him out, since it sounds like you're both enthusiastic about this relationship, I don't think it's coming on too strong to say "hey, do you want to go out again?"

In terms of things like wanting this to be a more serious relationship, or even just trying to navigate the whole relationship thing in general, this article is a really helpful tool: Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models. The two of you could read that over together, or take a look at it separately and then talk about it. How does that sound?

Hel
not a newbie
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:19 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I play D&D!
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She/her/hers
My sexual identity and orientation: Heteroflexible A.K.A. mostly straight
Location: Austria

Re: Awkwardness in a new relationship

Unread postby Hel » Tue Sep 22, 2020 7:31 am

Thanks for the advice. I think I will ask him out when I feel better - unless he asks me first, of course.

I read the article, and I think there are a lot of good points and things to think about in it. Although, I am intimidated by the thought of asking him to read it too, either with or without me, and then talking about it afterwards. The relationship is still so new. We do ask each other things like: 'would it be okay if I kissed you', and we talk to each other in a way that is natural and flows easily. I just feel nervous to bring up the whole relationship model thing, and I'm not entirely sure why. Is there a way to have that conversation so that it is as least awkward as possible? I think I have a lot of potential with this guy, and I don't want to mess that up.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 6738
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Awkwardness in a new relationship

Unread postby Sam W » Tue Sep 22, 2020 7:46 am

You're welcome!

I think you could bring up the conversation about the relationship model in whatever time and way feels right to you based on the dynamic you two have. It may help to frame it less about finding a relationship model and more about just having a check-in with each other about what your expectations are for the relationship. That can feel like a way lower pressure situation, which can make the conversation easier. You could broach the subject by saying something like, "hey, I'm really enjoying dating you, and I want to make sure this is going how we both want/are comfortable with. Are you up for talking about (insert thing here)?"

Hel
not a newbie
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:19 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: I play D&D!
My primary language: English
My pronouns: She/her/hers
My sexual identity and orientation: Heteroflexible A.K.A. mostly straight
Location: Austria

Re: Awkwardness in a new relationship

Unread postby Hel » Wed Sep 23, 2020 1:06 am

That sounds like a really good idea, and a nice way to make it casual enough so it isn't super awkward. Hopefully I will get the chance to talk to him soon, and bring this up.


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