Yeah, thank you so much for clarifying that. I will
keep that in my head. A non-response definition
: She checks instagram and/or dating app and leaves me on read.
Is that a good definition? How do I make it clear to my parents without them thinking my OCD is getting in the way?
Well, I’m not good at advocating when I’m emotional. Also often sometimes my parents interrupt me when I try to have something to say, especially when it’s irrational. I’m scared that it’s going to be the same, same arguments and that furthermore it’s going to be finalized!!! Worse is that I caused it! Me! My OCD!
I also want to show them that I can have a relationship and date, but time and time again, they see that I’m emotional and get anxious and overly attached at a crush. It may be no better in real life, but I will get anxious in real life because it’s like I never saw some people I encountered via the clubs or AWA anyway. I want to also work on this thing called the Hope Despair cycle more, but again, with the lack of professional help right now and me not trying, it’s kinda hopeless. I’m not so motivated to go out and socialize in Vienna and I don’t want to loose some semblance of my US part of myself, as I am going back there.
I feel like I am loosing more and more parts of myself (those specific parts of myself) and therefore also control. So some part of me surrender to the loss of control and my parents’s views to keep the peace, but part of me still wants to hold hope that I can keep some control in how I make relationships and especially wanting to put one foot in the US somehow. Is it reasonable to expect this? Part of me wants to go to the AWA and Villa Vida, but still wants to keep the app and stuff because I know that I want to come back to the US. I don’t know how to put how I feel into words because ultimately it would be okay the next day, but I am loosing control and potentially a part of myself (even though it shouldn’t) and that’s not okay to me.
I really don’t want to act so emotional, but want to explain my thoughts and outlook and be reasonable and compromise with them. It’s not going to be my all way. Also, I want to have this without me or them
interrupting (considering they interrupt and I let them because I am a nice person). I don’t know, they cannot have a conversation with me because I feel emotional, I feel like I am a child in comparison to them and I keep cycling and self hating.
I don’t know, I’ll look. One time, my mom caught me texting one and took away my phone and IPod because of it. She thought I was going to say I was going kill myself because of it. This was two Winter seasons ago.