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Thinking about pursuing a poly/open relationship because of akwardness around my transition as well as other stuff.

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2020 1:01 am
by KittyPink
Primarily because of sex being akward because of me still having what I have down there, but also because it's making our romantic life weird and stuff. He's confused, my emotions all over the place and I've been craving major physical intimacy. I feel like I insignficant because I can't provide him kids in the future and I'm not a perfect woman in terms of parts...

Re: Thinking about pursuing a poly/open relationship because of akwardness around my transition as well as other stuff.

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2020 7:29 am
by Alexa
Hey Kittypink,

Polyamory & open relationships can be beautiful things -- that's how I have chosen to live my life & I'm always down to talk about why. However! I would never recommend choosing polyamory because you're in a place of self-deprecation. You are a whole and beautiful and wonderful partner who has a lot to offer, and you never need to force yourself to make space for other partners out of a feeling that you are not enough. You are always enough.

I hear you saying you crave physical intimacy, and I know we've talked in the past about navigating that intimacy in this partnership. Do you want to say more about what you might get out of nonmonogamy? What parts of potentially changing your relationship in this way feel good vs. bad to you?

Re: Thinking about pursuing a poly/open relationship because of akwardness around my transition as well as other stuff.

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2020 9:48 am
by KittyPink
Alexa wrote:Hey Kittypink,

Polyamory & open relationships can be beautiful things -- that's how I have chosen to live my life & I'm always down to talk about why. However! I would never recommend choosing polyamory because you're in a place of self-deprecation. You are a whole and beautiful and wonderful partner who has a lot to offer, and you never need to force yourself to make space for other partners out of a feeling that you are not enough. You are always enough.

I hear you saying you crave physical intimacy, and I know we've talked in the past about navigating that intimacy in this partnership. Do you want to say more about what you might get out of nonmonogamy? What parts of potentially changing your relationship in this way feel good vs. bad to you?


I was in a polyam relationship before, but my first sour exprience with it,well... wrong place of the board to talk about it. (cough, only because he happened to be in a loosely defined polycule) my boyfriend feels like he's having sex with a dude which is extremely upsetting to me and pretty much killed any sexual desire I have for him.

Re: Thinking about pursuing a poly/open relationship because of akwardness around my transition as well as other stuff.

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2020 9:53 am
by KittyPink
As far as what I'll get from it, honestly, my ideal was to experiment with being with women a bit more. Maybe find multiple people to share my love with besides the handsome man I live with, I dunno, not too sure, come what may of it. I know also though he's been talking about opening it up prior for other reasons including enjoying other's company.

Re: Thinking about pursuing a poly/open relationship because of akwardness around my transition as well as other stuff.

Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2020 7:14 am
by Sam W
Hi KittyPink,

Ooof, that sounds like a really rough thing to hear from a partner, and I can see why it's killed any desire you might have. Is this something that's recently arisen as a problem for him? Or has he felt that way since you two started being sexual?

Too, how are you feeling about the relationship outside of the sexual stuff? For instance, if you two were to open this relationship up, and you found a partner(s) who affirmed your gender during sex, would you still want to be in a romantic relationship with your boyfriend?