Hey there, phantomdog. Hope you're doing okay and have been able to stay healthy and safe in all this.
I hear you saying to me that separate from sex, this relationship isn't benefitting you. I hear you saying that you don't feel happy in it, or inspired by it, and that you just aren't feeling like you and your boyfriend *like* each other all that much anymore. I also hear you saying that the exclusive model of this relationship isn't what you want, is only something you agreed to because your boyfriend wanted it, but it just remains something that you do not want. On the whole, I can see why you're feeling the way you are: this just doesn't sound like a good thing for you anymore.
have you taken a look at this, by any chance? Should I Stay or Should I Go?
. It might help you to come to some conclusions with this.
You know that we can love and care for people but have relationships with them run their course, yes? That doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore, it just means that sometimes it doesn't make sense to stay in a certain kind of relationship together, or even in much contact at all.
How do you feel when you think about not being in this?