rethinking my relationship

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
phantomdog
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rethinking my relationship

Unread postby phantomdog » Wed Aug 19, 2020 8:49 pm

hi everyone,

this is something i've been feeling pretty conflicted about recently. to start, my boyfriend and i have been together for roughly 2 years total. from around december 2018-april 2019 we were broken up and seeing different people for a time, but came back together in april as an open relationship. he expressed after some time that he was very uncomfortable with the idea of being in an open relationship so we became monogamous. we used to spend every day together, but now we only see each other a few times a week, mainly because i work a lot. as of late i just feel very bored and stagnant with the relationship and i don't know if i am really interested in putting in the work to revive it. sex is really the most interesting thing we do together and often times our time together feels bitter because he's constantly in some kind of mood. this summer has also brought to light a lot of things i don't like in him personally, but even in spite of that i do really love and care for him, but i just don't know if what i want is this relationship anymore. some days i feel that more strongly than others, and other days i feel happy with him, and it's very confusing for me. there's also things i wish i could do -- like see other people casually -- that i cannot do in a monogamous relationship. i'm also finding myself increasingly more attracted to girls, so i don't know what the deal with that is. it just all feels very conflicting and confusing. i guess it just feels like we just aren't on the same wavelength anymore...

thank you for reading

Heather
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Re: rethinking my relationship

Unread postby Heather » Thu Aug 20, 2020 4:51 am

Hey there, phantomdog. Hope you're doing okay and have been able to stay healthy and safe in all this.

I hear you saying to me that separate from sex, this relationship isn't benefitting you. I hear you saying that you don't feel happy in it, or inspired by it, and that you just aren't feeling like you and your boyfriend *like* each other all that much anymore. I also hear you saying that the exclusive model of this relationship isn't what you want, is only something you agreed to because your boyfriend wanted it, but it just remains something that you do not want. On the whole, I can see why you're feeling the way you are: this just doesn't sound like a good thing for you anymore.

have you taken a look at this, by any chance? Should I Stay or Should I Go?. It might help you to come to some conclusions with this.

You know that we can love and care for people but have relationships with them run their course, yes? That doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore, it just means that sometimes it doesn't make sense to stay in a certain kind of relationship together, or even in much contact at all.

How do you feel when you think about not being in this?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

awesomepossum
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Re: rethinking my relationship

Unread postby awesomepossum » Thu Aug 20, 2020 9:39 am

Hi Phantomdog,

That sounds like a super frustrating thing to be dealing with right now. It can be really difficult to decide whether or not a relationship is going to be enjoyable and affirming when you feel differently about it from day to day.

As Heather mentioned, it sounds like you seem to be leaning toward not finding this relationship beneficial to you right now... and that is totally okay! You can have feelings of love and care for someone and still recognize that you want things that a relationship with them will not be able to provide.Humans are capable at having multiple (sometimes confusing!) feelings at once, as difficult as that can be.

That being said, please take as much time as you need to think things over before you come to a decision that you are comfortable with. Definately check out the article Healther reccommended if you feel like you need some more guidance before you make your final choice.


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