Well, my crushes insta is not found. I feel I scared I scared her off even though I did not send her a message. I looked on my personal one, her Insta is not found too. I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do, I cried so much. I’m sad.
Well, I do want to consul the friend she has been vibing (I think) with and ask her about what happened. She’s a great follower of mine and a friend too. We met at the same Speed Dating events. Do you think thats a good idea?
Well either way, I do feel like I need to give up finding new people to date/make friends or trying to date/make friends. But, a part of me never wants to give up.
My mom’s friend’s daughter and her girlfriend repeatedly don’t try to work with me. Maybe it’s my fault because I don’t initiate so much. Also, my Mom’s friends daughter who is Brazilian didn’t respond to my text, which I respected and probably moved on. So that’s why I am hesitant to make new friends in Austria and I am kinda nervous every time I text friends in the US (though I have no problem eventually, for some reason).
I fear them eventually ghosting me or blocking the insta. Because of me, I sometimes interpret it as my own disgusting behavior and that I didn’t do enough or did too much. I really didn’t play the game and I didn’t get a friend/date.
Because of this fear, I am nervous to meet new friends or date in Austria, not just because of the whole long distance, but because of the whole ghosting and distancing thing (either from me or them). OR they can be MUCH worse, a pushy person or a stalker (overtexting, overbearing, pressuring me, wanting THEIR way ONLY ... etc).
.... Because of my situation, I feel like sometimes I don’t belong anywhere and no one may date me/befriend me. And when I see people get partners during quarantine, I get so sad yet happy for them, knowing it may be so hard for me. Its not their fault, but I don’t want to be a burden for them nor break their heart ultimately (and vice versa).
So what to do? How do I recover? What to do moving foward? I’m so sad about my current situation and asking people about it. I just want to be friends with her and I know there are speed dating events to make friends/dates, so maybe make consitent friends. Idk ... maybe I am just a bother to her and to every new person ...
And just when I want to open myself to long distance, I kinda maybe want to close myself up to dating and friending all together ...