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Is there any hope?

Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2020 5:13 pm
by kekehandre
SO my girlfriend/ex was ignoring me straight for one week, I got quite afraid that she would want to leave me, i expressed my feeling through chat since i couldn´t get in touch with her, I texted her how i need her how i love her and dont want to loose her, we met after 7-8 days, she broke up with me staying absolutely calm, saying i won´t lose her because we will be friends, i remember telling her that it would hurt her to see me after we will break up (quite a time ago) but she was still wearing the clothes i gave to her, even the necklace and didn´t ahve problem that it could be reminding her of me. I slept with her for whole evening she kept hugging me during sleep even kissed me but when we woke up she was the same didn´t want to kiss me nothing, we texted during the evening i called her to come at my place that i am home alone and she can sleep at my home, she replied if i am calling a friend to sleep with me, i replied we did that today, she replied that she slept with a lot of friends like me i asked about the hugging and kiss she just left me on seen, the next 2 days she didn´t even reply to a text, I don´t really get the break up but i am sure she wouldn´t be with me in contact after the breakup. Any tips what i should do?

Re: Is there any hope?

Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:01 am
by Sam W
Hi kekehandre,

It's going to be a rough thing to do since it sounds like this relationship is important to you but, given what she told her and her overall behavior, the main thing to do is accept that she's broken up with you. The sleeping in bed with you thing right after telling you the relationship was over sounds, understandably, pretty confusing, but her other actions--not responding to you, telling you directly she was breaking up with you and then reiterating that she no longer sees you as a partner--are clear. That's probably a hard thing to face, I think this article might be helpful for you over the next little while: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking.

It sounds like you and she talked a bit about being friends after the breakup. Is that something you feel you actually want to do?

Re: Is there any hope?

Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2020 12:26 am
by kekehandre
Wellp we didn´t talk about being friends at all...

Re: Is there any hope?

Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2020 8:36 am
by rubyted
Hi there! Hope it's okay that I'm jumping in here, too.

It might help to clarify what "friends" means to you and what "dating" means to you, so you can set boundaries around what you want in either relationship.

If you feel uncomfortable with the idea that "friends" can sleep in the same bed, be affectionate, etc, you can tell her that - her idea of what "friends" do might be different from yours, so clarifying what you mean can help things feel less confusing. Your definition of "friends" can also change depending on who the person is.

You might want to be friends with your ex in the sense that you're on good terms and want the best for each other, but maybe you don't want to talk about other people that you're dating with her. It's up to you what boundaries you want with her.

In your opinion, what do friends do? Do they talk on the phone or text? Do they hang out in person? Do they hold hands, or hug? Do they talk about other people they are dating or interested in with each other? What else is important to you to have in a friend?
This article might help you out, and it also talks about how important friendship is.
Why Does Friendship Matter to a Sex Ed Organization?