My gf and I have different views on sex because our experiences with it have been wildly different, and somehow quarantine when we're not having it is making that disconnect either worse or more apparent.
I have sex for pleasure; my gf has sex for intimacy with me, even if it isn't that much pleasurable.
I'm attracted to people because of their physical appearence; my gf is attracted to people because of their emotions.
I react strongly to porn I like and want to share it with my gf; my gf doesn't really care for porn and would rather avoid it (although they look at the things I share with them).
Up until meeting me, the idea of having sex was out of the question for my gf because of their asexuality. It wasn't until meeting me did that change because of how open I talked about sex. And, obviously, we're dating now and having it. We've talked about the attraction thing because I was starting to feel self-concious about how my gf views my body. I look for approval for my physical looks but my gf doesn't express attraction/love that way, hence the emotion thing. I better understand that now. The other two, however, are still making me self-conscious.
When we have sex, I know my gf enjoys the intimacy of having sex more than the pleasure, but I still can't help but feel bad that I don't know how to finger them properly or that I can't give them an orgasm when we have penetrative sex or that I don't like eating them out even with dental dams or that penetrative sex only lasts a few minutes before I cum because I can't last very long. I know they don't expect me to do something I don't know how to do well or to do something that I'm not comfortable with, but I feel like they kinda do at the same time? Recently, when I ask for foreplay they don't want to do it but they want me to do the same to them. I don't force them to do it nor do I want them to but idk I wish they would return the favor.
The porn thing just has to do with the fact that I consume a lot more porn than them. They're fine looking at porn and the porn I send, they just don't really want to actively look for it. I send them stuff I think they'd like like WLW porn drawn by WLWs or just cute girls or something and I want to share the act of enjoying the porn, but usually they give a one word response (lmfao) or talk about how bad the drawing is. I joke about it saying like "Your artist mind can't just let me be horny, can it." but idk still feels bad when you want to share something with someone and they don't care for it or hate it.
I know I shouldn't make them give me foreplay or look at the porn I send them if they don't want to cause that's what consent is. But man is it making my feelings feel invalid right now. I really don't know how to talk about this with them. I've tried having a proper discussion about this with them but my gf ends up replying with thy don't know what to say and the discussion gets shot down. Help?