I've been dating my boyfriend for about a month now, but it feels much longer because of quarantine. Let's call him Aaron. I'm someone who needs a lot of attention, reassurance, and in general I have a lot of mental issues I go to him with. Both of us are polyam, and Aaron has been dating his boyfriend for three years, so whenever he has an issue he goes to his boyfriend. This, among other things, leads me to feel wanted but unneeded.
At the beginning of our relationship, he seemed much more involved than he is now. He used to text me good morning everyday and check in with me throughout the day, but he stopped a week or so ago because he's been waking up later. Even though I addressed this with him, and that I feel better when he does that, he hasn't said good morning to me since the day I told him how I felt about that. I don't subscribe to the idea that people are replaceable, no matter how similar they are (ex: Amber & House to Wilson,) and I don't think other people think that way either. But I feel disposable, or like a stuffed animal somebody really loves until they've decided they've outgrown it. I know Aaron enjoys talking to me. I know he feels love for me, and in moments where I need validation or attention, he gives it to me and isn't bothered by it. But I feel like I shouldn't have to be having a mental breakdown everyday for him to really, like actually talk to me.
He does tell me things. He's pretty sure he has DID, but his therapist brushed it off almost immediately. He's had an eating disorder in the past. But I never know if he's having a current issue because he always goes to his boyfriend about it. While he wants to date me, and he enjoys it, I feel like I'm more of a casual than serious relationship to him. Which is strange, since he said he doesn't do casual relationships because he falls too hard. I'm not useful to him.
I have ADHD and experience rejection sensitive dysphoria pretty hard, so maybe I'm just being whiney. I'm also in the middle of one of my bimonthly mental breakdowns where I am extremely narcissistic for about a week before diving into a deep depression and I'm in the second half of that. I don't know. The idea that people could get over me if I left is really distressing, so it's probably just a me issue.