Scarleteen

Hi, thanks for looking!

I've had this problem for years now, and it's incredibly frustrating, so I thought I'd come here for advice.

Being around other women makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I have no idea why! I've never had any bad or traumatic experiences with women, so this problem really came out of nowhere. I just get so anxious and nervous when hanging out with other girls, and I actually feel kind of scared in a way. All I can think about is if they're looking at me or judging me. I really want to be friends with more girls, but I just can't shake this feeling!

Growing up as a huge tomboy, I've always had more guy friends, but now it's just getting ridiculous. I only want to talk and be around boys, and now I don't even feel comfortable if my doctor or teacher is a woman; I only feel safe around men.

Is there any way I can start to feel comfortable around other girls? I really want to hang out with some girls I know, but I just can't get over my mental block. Please help!

Thanks!

Welcome to the boards!

You know, it just might be that at this point, it's simply something you've gone so long without doing, that the lack of practice and familiarity could be your biggest stumbling block.

By all means, I don't think that men or other people are any more judgmental than girls or women can be, so I do think some of your fears are probably more founded in gender bias -- and this is a common one -- than facts. So, one thing that might be helpful is to maybe sit down and write down all the things you think about women and girls. Then take a look at them and really evaluate them: where do you think those ideas have come from? Are they based in fact? What can you do to dump the ones that are just about sexism, misogyny or other kinds of bias? Who can you talk to to maybe try and talk some of these things out?

I also think that maybe just going ahead and taking a positive risk with attempts to connect as friends with other women/girls is a good idea. It is likely one of those things where you just have to rip the band-aid off fast instead of taking it off slowly, you know? Can you think of any ways right now that you can at least dip a toe in to trying to make some girl friends?