So, I've posted here before, I know I've mentioned my boyfriend more than once. I love him a lot, and care about him, but I often feel guilty because he's always saying how much he loves me and that I'm "perfect", while on my end, I feel... there's several things I would like to change.
Firstly, that: he's very adamant about expressing affection, and I want him to feel like he can be free to express that, but also, it makes me feel... like I don't love him as much as he seems to love me. Which makes me feel guilty, because I do love him, and want to love him the way he deserves.
Second, boundaries, part one. I've been good at establishing my boundaries I think, but I can't even remember one time that he told me that I had crossed a boundary, or asked me to change something I was doing, or anything like that. I can remember a few times that I did something that seemed to upset him, but the person who pointed that out... was me. I would say something like, I need him to tell me when I do something that makes him feel bad, and he'd be like, okay, but I don't think that's ever actually amounted to anything. I'm autistic (he is too), so I can't rely on me being the one to notice that I've gone too far; I need him to tell me when I do something that makes him uncomfortable. Which I've expressed to him before, but while he says he will, nothing seems to change.
Third, boundaries, part two. Often when I establish boundaries, he tends to... not exactly overreact, but act really guilty about it. Earnestly apologize, etc. It's to the point where I hesitate on saying "Could you please not do that" or the like because when he reacts with so much guilt, I feel guilty, too. But holding off on saying that stuff just makes me more uncomfortable, sometimes building up to where I end up inappropriately expressing my frustration at him (i.e. through passive aggressiveness).
Fourth: This is going to sound bad, but, it's something he's open about to me, so... I'm pretty intelligent; I used to get really good grades at school before my mental health took a nosedive, I've been learning how to code for fun, I'm better with a computer than most of my friends, etc. My boyfriend is... not. I love him and accept this part of him, but sometimes he's so dense that I get frustrated, and then I feel bad about being frustrated because it's not like he's doing it on purpose! But it's hard to be patient and explain things to him, especially things I've explained at least once before. I wouldn't make a good teacher I don't think, haha.
Finally: As you can see, there's a lot of stuff here I'd like to be able to talk to him about, but, in vein of my third point, I feel like no matter how I express to him these things, he'll take it as a failing on his end. And like I said, it's hard to do that, because he'll act guilty and then I'll feel guilty and nothing will really change. I love him and I want to make this work, I just don't know how.