I feel like I remember first starting puberty and feeling so infatuated with the people I liked. Now I'm 17 and I haven't had a crush in years.
I definitely used to be infatuated with my friend maybe like a year ago, and that's the closest I've gotten to that crush feeling. It kind of felt more like FOMO and wanting her approval, but I could categorize it in the "crushes" box. I'm increasingly convinced I'm ace or something but also I just don't understand how all romantic feelings disappeared.
Sometimes I pick people who I think are attractive and decide to have crushes on them, which can feel real, but, in actuality, I think it's just kind of increased attention towards them being fun. It feels like I'm a little closet-case on the playground again, pretending to like boys to fit in, but this time I'm supposed to act on it.
I had a girlfriend like 6 months ago, and I never felt that butterflies feeling. We got together at first when I was really drunk, and before that I'd never thought of her that way. I believe I was just drunk and horny, for lack of better words. I think I also wasn't very attracted to her in the relationship, more the idea of a relationship, and that's not really a problem if it's just one person, but I just wonder if I'll ever feel any intense emotions towards someone. This might be a silly thing to worry about, but it's in the back of my mind a lot.
I'm on SSRIs, but this decrease in feelings was happening before I got on them. I'm wondering if this is just a shift in how the emotions present themselves and I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience.