Reconnecting With Someone

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Mo
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Re: Reconnecting With Someone

Unread post by Mo »

Oh gosh, I really feel you on not wanting to do close-quarters Pride events (or any events!!) indoors right now; it really bums me out that so few Pride events in many areas (including my own) are not taking covid precautions very seriously.
MusicNerd
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Re: Reconnecting With Someone

Unread post by MusicNerd »

Right?? Too real.

Also, random aside: I’ve noticed lately that I can’t masturbate without feeling lonely and/or pathetic, and I hate feeling that way about something that can be relaxing to the point of helping me sleep some nights— it becomes something for me to avoid out of shame/sadness/self-judgment/loneliness now.

And of course my brain being mean to me about it probably doesn’t help (“well, of course you’d resort to this… you don’t have anyone else who’d be interested in being with you romantically and/or sexually.”

Not sure how to work through those feelings — I feel WAY too embarrassed bringing something like that up to my therapist — but this particular topic/feeling is something I’ve noticed crop up post-breakup too.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
Heather
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Re: Reconnecting With Someone

Unread post by Heather »

Hey there, you. :). It's always nice to see you here.

To me, these ways of thinking about masturbation sounds like you're dealing with having internalized some of the messages about masturbation in our overarching culture. For instance, like the framing of masturbation as something lesser or secondary to sex with a partner, or something that only unpartnered people do because that's all that's available to them (which can certainly be the case for us sometimes, but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with masturbating or being without wanted sexual opportunities with other people).

If this was where my own head was at, what I would probably do, is see if I couldn't sit with a piece of paper or a digital notepad and write down all the ideas I have about masturbation in a free-association way. Then I'd look at that list and see if I could figure out where I got those ideas from -- which were from outside of me, which were based on my actual experiences with masturbation, which that I have came from long-ago things meant to make me feel exactly that way to keep me from seeking pleasure by myself!

How does a process like that sound?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
MusicNerd
not a newbie
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Re: Reconnecting With Someone

Unread post by MusicNerd »

Hi Heather! Always great to hear from you :D

Ooh, I never thought about that, but I do love writing. Sure, I’m down to give it a try, why not?

I never really thought about where I got this messaging honestly… this will be an interesting exercise (and it’ll at least be better than feeling crappy about myself). I’ll share here whatever comes up, since again, I’d feel way too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone else in any other space.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
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