Hi Siân! Yeah, that's a good point. It's just that this person was the closest to all the things I've been looking for in a long-term partner, and those feelings were reciprocated at a certain point in time... just really sucks that the timing is off, since I haven't felt this strongly about anyone before. (Also, who knows if it really is just timing or if it's lack of interest in me instead-- they have taken on some new jobs, and are working about 5 jobs now, which I had no idea about until we talked recently. Sounded super overwhelming when they told me about it, and I hope they get through it okay. So, it could actually just be timing, but who knows.)Siân wrote: ↑Wed Dec 22, 2021 4:29 am Hey MusicNerd,
You know, I think it's okay to feel bummed for a moment and grieve what might have been. It just shows that you cared, which I actually think is a hopeful thing - you've shown that there are great people out there that you can feel excited about. Sure, this time it didn't work out but there will be next times.
Yeah, I think I might take a break from dating too. Not sure if I'll feel as excited about dating as I did with them; but maybe in the new year, sometime next month, I'll regroup and think about trying to date again.Siân wrote: ↑Wed Dec 22, 2021 4:29 am I get that it can feel hopeless sometimes, but you're absolutely right: just because it feels hopeless doesn't mean it IS hopeless. Maybe that feeling is telling you to put your energy somewhere else for a while and come back to dating when it feels fun and exciting again? What do you think?
Really?? Oh wow, I’ve never met anyone who’s been in a similar situation to me re: having a first relationship until their late 20s. Gives me some hope that you’ve been where I am, including the feelings around it, but it managed to work out.Sofi wrote: ↑Thu Dec 23, 2021 8:06 am Honestly, what you're going through (including all the anxiety around it) is super normal - you're definitely not alone in this. Even I can personally relate as I didn't have a serious relationship until my late 20s and it happened out of NOWHERE when I least expected it (I had been wanting one, just didn't have high hopes, like you're feeling now).
Yeah, dating during covid is wild!! lol I just got the booster shot yesterday, because of the rise in cases from this new variant. Such a crazy time we live in right now!Sofi wrote: ↑Thu Dec 23, 2021 8:06 am A break might be good but just go with whatever feels right, if you want to keep trying to meet new people and date, and that excites you, go for it (I also know it's hard during covid--that's when mine happened too! Lots of virtual talking at first haha). If you feel you're not quite ready then definitely take a step back until it's enjoyable again.
Yeah, you’re right. I’m hoping I can still move on while being friends with them— they seem to want to be friends really badly (like being proactive about texting and hanging out), but I was expecting us to only occasionally talk/hang, you know? Idk it feels confusing.
Aww, your partner sounds sweet! I’m glad you were able to find someone understanding of your dating history. It gives me hope on that front too that maybe there are more people than I realize who would be okay with it.Sofi wrote: ↑Fri Dec 24, 2021 8:01 am I definitely had a couple people I went on dates with act a bit weird about me not having been in a serious relationship in my 20s, so it does happen like you said, unfortunately. But my current partner is actually younger than me and I think that helped because he'd only been in one relationship previously. The fact that I'd been single so long didn't mean anything to him, no judgment or anything on his part. He understands it and accepts it, and he's patient in times when I'd be like "I don't know what I'm doing", so it made the waiting worth it. There are DEFINITELY people out there who won't care about that and won't see you differently because of it.
Yeah, I think being less responsive and spacing out conversations might be the move.Sofi wrote: ↑Fri Dec 24, 2021 8:01 am As far as your friend, perhaps you can set some boundaries if it feels like it's too much. Or you can set your own pace by being less responsive, not in a rude way of course, but just spacing out how often you talk. Right now things seem like a lot, but taking steps for your own peace of mind is the best you can do for yourself!
Yes, thank y’all for reminding me that I get to have boundaries and set the pace for friendships too! Also, does make me feel somewhat better to know that it’s not totally uncommon to have zero relationship experience at my age. I’ve been on more dates than I can count over the years, but no real relationship yet. Hopefully that changes at some point in the near future!Mo wrote: ↑Fri Dec 24, 2021 6:00 pm Sometimes it's definitely good to remember you can set a pace for friendships that feels good to you!!
And if it helps at all, right now I have a lot of friends in their late 20s who have had few to zero dates/relationships before and who are struggling with feeling weird or self-conscious about it. Not that knowing this necessarily makes things easier, but the thing I do always want to remind people is that while it can be so easy to feel alone in this situation, it's not at all uncommon.