A question

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
IAmScared
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A question

Unread postby IAmScared » Sun Apr 12, 2020 11:59 am

Can oral sex last half of a second to be able to be called oral sex?

Amanda F.
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Re: A question

Unread postby Amanda F. » Mon Apr 13, 2020 10:25 am

Hi IAmScared,

Sex of any kind doesn't have to last a certain amount of time to qualify as sex. And in fact, "sex" can actually be way more than just intercourse or mouth-to-genital contact. Anything that you feel expresses your sexuality can be called sex. Here's more info here: What's Sex?

IAmScared
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Re: A question

Unread postby IAmScared » Mon Apr 13, 2020 2:50 pm

Just to make it clear (I read What's Sex but didn't find the answer there), there is no limit how long sex can last to be called sex? It can be called sex even if it was just a slight touch for one very short moment?

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Re: A question

Unread postby Amanda F. » Wed Apr 15, 2020 9:02 am

Yup, totally! It can even be called "sex" if there was no touching whatsoever. "Sex" means different things to different people; generally speaking, you could think of it as anything that gets you in touch with and allows you to express your own sexuality. As you can see from the list in that article, sex could include...

Masturbation (doing some of the things on the list below with oneself, not a partner)
Kissing/Making out
Petting/Stroking/Sexual massage
Breast or nipple stimulation
Frottage or tribbing (rubbing against genitals or rubbing genitals together, when clothed, called "dry sex")
Mutual masturbation (masturbating with a partner)
Manual-genital sex (like handjobs, fingering or deep manual sex, which some people call "fisting")
Oral-genital sex (to/with a penis, vulva, anus)
Vaginal intercourse
Sex toy-vagina or sex toy-penis sexual intercourse
Anal sex (like anal intercourse with a penis, toy or hands)
Talking in a sexual way/sharing sexual fantasies/sexual role-play
Sensation play, like pinching, touching someone with objects in some way or spanking (which may or may not be part of BDSM)
Cybersex, text sex or phone sex (with or without masturbation)
Fluid-play (when people do things with body fluids for sexual enjoyment, like ejaculating on someone in a particular way)
...or something else entirely.


You can probably imagine that any of those activities could go for any length of time - seconds, minutes, or hours.

Can I ask why you're concerned about the timing of this act?

IAmScared
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Re: A question

Unread postby IAmScared » Wed Apr 15, 2020 1:43 pm

Just interested.I don't know much about sex.Few years ago I didn't even know babies grow in uterus,I just thought they grew in a stomach where the food is....
So I have few other questions about sex:
--> can a person that doesn't have an orgasm during sex have the same amount of enjoyment as the person who has orgasm? Before you answer,think very hard,please,as this is important question.
--> How common is the pain during vaginal sex for the person with the vagina AFTER they already had vaginal sex (I know first time hurts,but how common is that it hurts 2nd or 5th time?
--> Is it true that if you're horny and wet down there ,the tampon goes more easily in and out (cause you're wet)?
--> if you're still a kid inside your mind but an adult legally and have high IQ,can you be ready for sex?
--> I didn't have an orgasm for 4 years.I feel like I'm going to die,because you see,I'm taking testosterone injections and T is making libido high...I have orgasm dysfunction.A mental disorder.What should I do?

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Re: A question

Unread postby Heather » Wed Apr 15, 2020 2:44 pm

Hey there, IAmScared. :)

I'm going to get you started with some short answers first and some links, and we can take anything from here if you have further questions or want to dig in more.

1) Because "enjoyment" not only can cover a whole range of things, and because what people enjoy is so diverse but also because all orgasms aren't the same or don't feel the same, that's not something that can be answered the way you're asking. That's only something any one individual could tell you about for themselves, because people are going to have a wide range of answers. It might help to remember that orgasm is something that literally usually lasts only a few seconds, and while it can feel big and great, it's a very quick feeling, and in the grander scheme of an entire sexual experience -- physically, emotionally, interpersonally -- it isn't usually the only thing that people report is vital for them to feel satisfied. In studies on that, and when people talk about it honestly, things like creativity, expressed affection, and responsiveness to communication are usually either said to be as important and often more important.

2) Vaginal pain with sex usually isn't about how many times someone has had any given kind of sex: in other words, it's not something people necessarily will or will not experience with a first time and it isn't any more or less likely a first time than a 5th time or a 50th time, save that at some point people will usually figure out, if they have pain, what's causing it and how to correct for it. But here's some pieces on this kind of pain to give you more information, particularly since why someone is having pain matters, so the answers won't always be the same for this, depending on the cause of the pain:
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/gend ... tercourse'
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... ps_for_sex
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... c-pain-101
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... ed_to_hurt

3) "Kid inside your mind" isn't a general term for something universal, so I'm not sure what you mean by that. That said, someone's IQ isn't a determinant of if they can consent to sex or otherwise be ready for it or not. To be clear, people with low IQs or intellectual disabilities do sometimes have consensual sex lives they're ready for.

4) Having high levels of testosterone or high levels of sexual desire doesn't mean that we have to have orgasm, or even that orgasm will answer those things. But I hear you being clear that it seems to be causing you suffering. So, this sounds to me like a conversation to have with the prescribing physician for your T: talking to patients on T about managing how T can feel and sexuality, and figuring out if your levels are working for you or not, is a pretty common conversation many trans healthcare providers have. On the whole, especially once your body gets accustomed to T, it shouldn't make you feel the way you're expressing, so I think talking your provider is important. More on T is here: https://www.scarleteen.com/trans_summer ... stosterone
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

IAmScared
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Re: A question

Unread postby IAmScared » Thu Apr 16, 2020 12:38 am

Thanks for the links! I read them but lthe first link is "Page not found".

I am now having another question.After I masturbate, on my underwear I found a bit of urine with something gray/shiny in the middle.What is that?

Also now this is very embarrasing but when my clitoris started to grow years ago,at first I didn't know how to wash it and I don't see very well without my glasses and I shower without them but I found something white around my clitoris....I now wash my big clitoris ....is it possible that white was sperm?

Amanda F.
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Re: A question

Unread postby Amanda F. » Thu Apr 16, 2020 12:32 pm

Here's the link to the first page that Heather shared, about painful intercourse! https://www.scarleteen.com/article/gend ... ntercourse

The stuff you found on in your underwear was just a normal type of vaginal secretion or "discharge". Vaginas secrete (release) stuff all the time, and it can change depending on how aroused someone is or what point of the menstrual cycle they're at. Discharge is normal! It also helps provide lubrication for intercourse and sex, which is probably way you found it after you masturbated. You can read all about vaginal secretions here:
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... secretions
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... _from_that

I'm not sure what the white stuff you found was, but only people with penises and testes (balls) can produce sperm and semen. Sperm are the little cells with tails that that fertilize the egg, which is released from ovaries. Semen is the whitish liquid that is produced when a penis ejaculates, and it includes the sperm as well as some other stuff to help keep the sperm alive. For your body, the white stuff may have been smegma, a normal substance that is a buildup of secretions and dead skin cells. It's not unhealthy or a sign of any trouble. If it bothers you, you can gently wash it off in the shower.

Here are some links about bodies, pleasure, and fertilization!

https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... every_body
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

IAmScared
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Re: A question

Unread postby IAmScared » Fri Apr 17, 2020 1:22 am

Thanks a lot!

Amanda F.
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 259
Joined: Mon Jun 24, 2019 10:16 pm
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Re: A question

Unread postby Amanda F. » Fri Apr 17, 2020 10:13 am

You're welcome! Let us know if other questions come up!


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