Cannot get aroused from thinking about having sex?

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2020 6:03 am
My primary language: English
My pronouns: They/them
My sexual identity and orientation: Lesbian
Location: Indonesia

Cannot get aroused from thinking about having sex?

Unread postby hydrangea03 » Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:28 am

I’m a lesbian. When I masturbate, I like to see pictures of or imagine nude (or semi-nude) women, which arouses me a lot and can bring me to orgasm.

But when I think about having sex with a woman, it doesn’t really turn me on. It’s nice to think about, but it’s more of a ‘fluffy thought’ rather than a sexual one. In the end I would just think about...cuddling. ((Which makes me feel lonely instead of aroused, lol :? ))

I’ve never had sex with anyone. And I really want to, someday. But since imagining sexual interaction with women doesn’t arouse me that much, I’m a little worried that I won’t like sex in real life either. ><

What can I do to alleviate this worry, and to ‘like sex’, if at all?

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7247
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Cannot get aroused from thinking about having sex?

Unread postby Sam W » Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:56 am

Hi hygrangea03,

Arousal and fantasy can be such strange beasts at times, and leave us feeling worried when they don't seem to make a lot of sense. You'll often hear sex educators mention that just because something appeals to us as a fantasy doesn't mean we'll automatically like it in real life. But the reverse is also true; a certain thing can not arouse us at all during masturbation, but really arouse us when we're with a partner. Too, some of the things you're describing as arousing, like women being naked, will most likely be happening during sexual interactions. So you may find that when you're with a partner who you're attracted to, sex becomes arousing and appealing, even if it doesn't do much for you when you think about it in the abstract.

So, my main recommendation is to not worry too much about figuring out how to fantasize about sex. If picturing naked women is what feels good for you during masturbation, then there's no reason not to stick with that. Does that all make sense?

Return to “Sex & Sexuality”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests