I had sex today. YES I did!

[Everglow]

Yep it happened. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be like but we both had fun. It only lasted a few minutes, and much of the time was trying to get my body comfortable with actually doing it. I guess it's like a work in progress, lol!
I always had an issue with the way my labia looked as it is BIG but nothing got in the way and he had no problem with it. Part of me thought that the labia would maybe block everything but that didn't happen.
But I'm really happy that I did this. I now have this feeling of control. I don't have that "easy" idea that I had in my head that I was talking about in my last post. Maybe I should have waited as I have only known him for a couple weeks but we both had fun and he was very nice with me.
Not telling anybody about this but I knew I had to post it on here.
And hopefully horriblegoose reads this. I am sure he would be proud.

[Amanda F.]

Hey Everglow,

Congratulations! It sounds like you had a very positive experience!

I'm so glad that some of those difficult feelings and associations that you were concerned about didn't make an appearance during sex. Feeling powerful and in control is a great way to feel. It's normal to take some time - even lots of time - to get comfortable and relaxed. In fact, it can take quite a while for bodies to get ready for sex, so please don't ever feel like you have to rush even a tiny bit. That's something you can and should communicate to your partner, too - you both get to take as much time as you need to feel physically and ready for sex, every single time.

Is there anything more about the experience that you'd like to share, or that you might have questions about?

Where do you think you'll go from here, with your boyfriend?

[Everglow]

Hey Amanda,
Time wasn't on our side and both of us kept looking out the window every time we thought we heard a car in the driveway. I also wasn't thinking we would have sex as we hadn't talked about it, but he wanted to do oral on me and I was okay with that and then he asked if he could have sex with me and so we did. Yea it was rushing but I wanted to do it, but it took several minutes on getting comfortable and I think only a minute of actual sex.
Yesterday I was in some pain but I took some aleve and everything was good. Today everything is okay.
We are talking about doing it again on Saturday but this time at his house. I think it will be a lot easier for the both of us.
I am buying some lube. Any kind that you can recommend or maybe something you don't recommend?
As for condom use my only worry is that it will fall off, I did look a few times making sure it was still on, lol! Wouldn't lube make a condom fall off easier?
I just want Saturday to be easier and I want to be comfortable and ready.

[Sam W]

Hi Everglow,

It's great that you two are thinking a bit more ahead this time and talking about ways to make sure sex is comfortable and safe for both of you.

As long as a condom is the right size for someone's penis, and they make sure to hold the base of it when pulling out, it's extremely unlikely that it will come off, even with lots of lube on the outside and a few drops on the inside. And, water or silicon-based lube generally decreases the likelihood that something will go wrong with a condom, because decreasing friction means the condom is less likely to break. As for what kind to buy, it'll depend a little on what's available in the stores around you and which ones feel good to your and your partner. This article offers a great break-down of the different kinds of lube, including examples of brands you can try: Lube 101: A Slick Little primer.

[Everglow]

ok, lol! And how do I know it's the right size for the penis? It looked good, lol, but how should I know

And I bought a little 5oz bottle of KY today, along with some new t-shirts so that I didn't stand in the crowd . Let me know if you think this is enough.

This time will be better. I could ask a million questions about this and that but I guess I should just keep learning on my own.

[Gone.Sorry.]

Hey, there! (He isn't one of my pronoun sets, but I know you were just guessing based off previous interactions, so I'm not bothered. I don't remember anyone's pronouns here off the top of my head either, lol.)

What I am proud of is that you took the time to assess how you were feeling and were able to make a decision for yourself about what you wanted to do rather than what it felt like other people would want you to do. =) It can be hard to listen to our own voices when society's voice is so loud and when our parent's voice is so loud! So I am proud that you made a decision for yourself, regardless of what that decision was! I am also proud that you are happy with your decision and not beating yourself up for making it.

As for condoms size, there are size charts out there of what size to buy based on length and width of erect penis, but I don't know how consistent those are across different brands. Largely, it's going to be up to the person wearing the condom to assess if the size is right. Signs a condom is too big and they need to go down a size would be the condom slipping and sliding around and not really staying put as well as generally feeling a little loose. Signs a condom is too small and they need to go up a size are the condom cutting off circulation, the condom leaving a mark, and the condom causing a decrease in hardness that isn't regained. The condom should fit snugly but not feel like it's strangling anything.

A little bit of lube can go a long way, so 5 oz can last many couples a couple of uses, but how long the bottle lasts will depend on what you're doing and how much you need to use each time. =)

[Everglow]

SUPER SORRY GOOSE! I thought you were a guy. I pictured you as a guy, lol!

Not beating myself up on what I did but I am shocked I did it. It was VERY VERY different from what I imagined. We were going to do it again today but we had no opportunity. Luckily it was a nearly nice day out here and we did other things. What I like the most is that I have a nice boyfriend who keeps the creeps away from me and I like that I can have fun with my body and use it the way I want. I still have this "easy" vibe in my head but im not bothered by it.

For condoms he is maybe 6 inches and we just used the condoms we got from school. It fit just fine. When we do it again i'll be more ready and less freaked.

[Siân]

Having sex that everyone involved wants and enjoys is not something you should feel bad about or beat yourself up for. When you say it was different from what you imagined, what do you mean by that?

It takes time to unlearn things like the idea of being "easy". And it's perfectly okay to take your time and only do things you're comfortable with and feel completely good about as you're going through that process. If you want to learn more about that idea, and why around here we think it's pretty wrong, try giving this article a read: How do I behave sexually without someone thinking I'm a slut? What do you think?

Oh, and when picking condom sizes the length isn't so important since they roll down as far as you need. The girth is the important thing - whether the width is comfortable without slipping.