I completely second everything Sam W has said. I just wanted to quickly pop by. I know you've read a lot
and might be tired of reading and might have even already come across the book I'm about to mention, but some folk I trust have recommended Sex for One
as a great resources for destigmatizing and breaking down shame around masturbation and learning to celebrate your body. I think at this point, it's possible you've gotten in your own head and your feelings are putting too much pressure on you, so such a book might be a different way to look at your body and your feelings? As well as taking a break and perhaps finding other ways to connect to your body right now. Like, maybe you could do some stretching and/or pilates every day to explore how your body feels and how far you can move it? You could also try hiking, swimming, climbing, dancing, kickboxing, etc. - just something new that can also make you feel good about your body in a different way.