Ok so I'm 15, and I was well educated when growing up, as such I am well aware of how important sex is, the basic care that has to be taken and the importance of doing it with someone you love and trust.
Knowing that I haven't found the right one, yet with sexual urges and curiosities, I started actively masturbating about two years ago, I assume it is normal and ok as long as I take precaution and keep a very good hygiene, as well as I learned kids can start exploring their private parts since very young, however, recently I've been wanting something more, at first I ignored it but these feelings have been just growing on me, I'm definitely not ready to do it with an actual person yet, and I don't hope to be any soon, but dildo's have been sounding very convenient for me, the thought of that is scary.
You see, like I mentioned before (even if I'm not 100% sure what I learned is right) I believe it is quite common for immature people to masturbate, so I never assimilated masturbation as a mature thing to do, of course you gotta be responsible while doing, but you can do such still very innocent, so for the time I've been doing that I still felt like if I was just having "fun", but now that I'm considering getting a toy specifically for the purpose of satisfying a sexual desire, and that attitude and way of thinking got me by surprise, the thoughts have been very appealing and good until I actually paid attention to it.
My issue is, I'm scared of such thoughts and feelings, I know these things are wise to be talked with parents and I'm lucky to have very open minded ones that I can talk about anything with, but I'm afraid talking about such desires will change their view on me from their little girl to a more mature person ready to try such things, and is not just them, I'm afraid of changing my own view on myself, I still see myself as very innocent but now all of that is changing, I have desires and sincerely am starting to get kind of desperate, but the idea of this maturity scares me.
I am also afraid that my parents discover this in a bad unhealthy way, making them loose some trust in me, as well it is a shocking thing, they are most likely to understand and respect such changes after some "digestion" of such information, but at first I think it will shock them for me to come up with such a way of thinking they never seen before, is something new and it takes adjusting, even I need to adjust.
I feel like I need advice, but what I mostly want to know is:
Are all these sexual feelings are actually normal? Is it normal for this type of maturity to come at age 15? Should I talk to my parents about this and why?
I feel like my parents should at least know about such changes, however I don't even know if this changes are normal to begin with.
Thanks for your patience in reading this.