That doing stuff without your own pleasure in mind is a great idea. It's...really not? Not great at articulation right now but the whole "guys only want one thing, if you have sex 'too soon' they'll use you and leave, if you have it 'too late' they'll also leave somehow", "wife duties (barf)", "race to lose virginity by some arbitrary age or else oh noes you'll be uncool somehow", just...everything that says that doing sex you're lukewarm at best about is a great idea.
I know you get some couples where, say, asexual person is like "yeah im willing to do this for x person and can get something out of this in a sense" but on the whole I see the "do the sex you're meh about" screwing up a lot of peoples' approach to it.
There's also the opposite extreme of "do the sex only with your pleasure in mind screw the other persons' wants but not literally otherwise we probably wouldn't be talking about these hypotheticals" where I feel people kind of...approach it as a 'challenge' where you 'get something' from the other person, say/do whatever to win them over then basically make no effort for their enjoyment. It sucks.