tried and failed

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
Miss June
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tried and failed

Unread post by Miss June »

Tried having intercourse for the first yesterday, I couldn't do it because of the pressure and a bit of pain with it, also had a little bit of blood but only drops. I want to go to the store and get some lube but it's all behind a glass door and I need somebody to help me with it. The condom we were using was so dry that I don't think it helped. Any ideas? What am I doing wrong???
Sam W
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Miss June,

From the sound of it, you didn't do anything wrong! When you're new to partnered sex, it can be hard to predict how much lube you'll need ahead of time, and if you didn't have any on hand to use that probably played a big part in it being uncomfortable to try and have intercourse. Finding lubricated condoms could help too, but the lube itself is the thing to prioritize. Do you want to talk about how to ask someone for it at the store, or other places you could look for it where it may not be locked up?

Too, would you say you were pretty aroused and relaxed before you tried having vaginal sex? Or were you pretty tense?
Miss June
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Miss June »

I was tense, I know that didn't help. He took his time but I just couldn't do it.

I did go to CVS and everything is also behind those glass doors. And I wanted to ask a friend but I don't want to start a bunch of stories.

Is it normal for a 14 y/o to buy lube? I know I need it, lol! Maybe get the right condoms at the same time? What would be best? Will any size work?

How do I ask without making them think I am doing it? Not possible huh :(
Mo
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Mo »

It's so frustrating when products are behind doors like that! I can really understand why you might not feel comfortable asking someone to unlock it for you, but you're certainly allowed to do so and if an employee were to give you a hard time or ask you why you need it, that would be really inappropriate of them. I certainly hope no one would do that. You could check some other drugstores or larger stores like big supermarkets or places like target/walmart in the US, to see if they have lube that isn't locked up, but I know that in some areas stores are likely to have it in those cases no matter what kind of store they are.

In terms of condoms, you can find ones that are labeled as "lubricated," but they really only have a small amount of lubrication and while they'd certainly be better than unlubricated condoms if you couldn't get lube, I think they're unlikely to make a huge difference. We do have a great explanation of different condom types here, which I think would be helpful to read through: Your Map to the Condom Aisle.
Miss June
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Miss June »

I went in there and got a box of trojan ultra thin and two 4oz bottles of KY glide. I got lucky and had some lady help me, and she didn't cause any problems. And after that I got a starbucks, lol!

we might be trying this again later today. How much of the KY should I add at first? And do I put it on the condom or put some inside me?
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Nicole »

Hi Miss June,

Yay! I'm glad everything worked out for you. Typically, lube can be applied on the condom itself (once put on) and/or the vulva and vaginal opening. I would not recommend actually putting it inside of you! The amount really just depends on what feels good to you. You can start with a few drops and then add more as you go/if it feels necessary. I'll drop two of our resources with more info about lube below.
Miss June
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Miss June »

We did have sex. Not what I expected. No pain, the lube helped, but lots of pressure. It got better after a few minutes.
What was the most painful was my boobs, all the bouncing I guess. Is that normal during sex? I did put my bra back before we were done and that helped. I only have a B cup but they were not liking it, lol!
No blood at all btw. I read some other posts on here about that, I did have a towel under me but never needed it.
But yea I did it. It's a strange feeling now that I did it.
Sam W
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Miss June,

Yep, if you're doing something that causes your breasts to move a lot, whether that's running or having sex, it can cause some discomfort even if you're on the smaller end of cup size. So, in the future it might be worth trying positions where you get less jostled.

Do you want to talk more about that "strange feeling?" Would you say the experience was overall positive? Negative? Something else?
Miss June
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Miss June »

it was overall okay. I was expecting more, like a big nice feeling out of it. He is not really a boyfriend but a good friend and we are only staying good friends.
I was worried about the condom falling off, I checked it a dozen times but it was always on. I was thinking about that the most. And I told him not to cum in me even with a condom on, I was worried it would break. I think I am going to buy another style condom, the thin one makes it look like nothing is on him, get a color condom instead.
I thought about my ex a lot when I was doing it. I didn't do it with him because he went over my boundaries at the time, but I still love him. I feel like I cheated him but I know I didn't. I don't understand why I had boundaries with him but I tossed those boundaries with my friend.
Sam W
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Sam W »

You know, something we know about the first, or first few, times people have vaginal sex is that it can be kind of underwhelming. I really like how this piece dives into those feelings: Is THAT All There Is?. I also think recognizing that having a colored or more noticeable condom helps you feel more comfortable is a valuable thing to have learned about yourself!

With those thoughts and feelings about your ex, does it feel like they're part of an overall pattern of not feeling over him? Of do they only come up during sex or other physically intimate situations?
Miss June
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Miss June »

Is that ALL there is is right! I felt nothing, I was also worried about doing it but it wasn't all that bad. Honestly I could not understand what the big deal was when I was doing it. He enjoyed it, I did have fun with him, but I got nothing out of it.
I also feel different. Like I did it and everybody knows, lol! Like I had a penis in me and I can't believe I did it feeling. Does that make sense?

I still feel sorry for my ex. I had rules when it came to us fooling around, I wasn't ready for any kind of penetration. He fingered me and I allowed it but I regreted it after and then I broke up with him. That was a month ago, and now I am no longer a virgin but I did it with a friend. I want to get back with him, but I don't know how to tell him that I had sex. The whole reason we broke up was because I didn't want sex.
Plus now I want to have sex with him. Now I am ready to do it. But I just had sex with a friend of mine and it doesn't feel right to go from one to the other. And do I tell him the truth about what I did?
Sam W
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Sam W »

All those feelings you're describing are really common things people deal with after their first time having vaginal sex! If it helps to know, unless you tell them or they somehow saw you do it, people can't really tell you're sexually active, even if it feels like you're walking around with a flashing sign saying "I had sex."

With your ex, were you otherwise really happy in the relationship with him and it was the sexual mismatch that caused the break-up? Or was he doing things like pushing or ignoring boundaries or being dismissive of your need to go slow and that ALSO contributed to things ending?
Miss June
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Miss June »

That flashing sign has been shining bright! I know, it's all in my head.

I was with my ex for a few months before we started doing stuff. I made boundaries with him, had to stop him a few times. He was pushing them but I would say no and he would stop, but sometimes I wanted to do more but was afraid. The fingering was too much and I knew it would become sex after that, so I broke up. I was happy with him, still like him, but yes it was a sexual mismatch at the time.
My friend wasn't pushy at all, and I was tired of him not trying so I started making the moves myself. I think I would be okay going back with my ex now that I am more comfortable with sex.
Sam W
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Re: tried and failed

Unread post by Sam W »

Got it. Do you think it's worth reaching out to your ex and talking about how you're feeling and what's changed and seeing how he's feeling in turn?
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