What is on a boy's mind when he is having casual sex?

[Rubie]

I had my first casual sex experience like 30 minutes after midnight on new years, met him at a new year's eve party. It's something I needed for me, and it felt good doing it. I don't know who he was and I have no way of ever contacting him again either. Maybe the best sex i ever had?
What does a guy think during all of that? For me I was only thinking what I wanted, I also wanted control and i took it. I have no idea what he thought about me. Maybe he looked at me like a number? Or maybe he was in shock that he was doing with me? I enjoyed my time with him, wishing that I was still in touch with him but at the same time I really don't want a relationship, i just needed some control on sex.
Am i crazy?

[Sam W]

Hi Rubie,

It sounds like this was a positive sexual experience for you, so I'm glad you were able to have one of those!

It's tricky, because when it comes to knowing what another person was thinking or feeling in a given moment, they're really the only person who can tell you that for sure. Ideally, you can pick up some clues from how they're behaving before, during, and after the two of you are sexual together. Too, just like there are probably multiple things going through your mind in the course of having sex, he also probably had multiple things go through his mind while you were together. Does that make sense?

[Rubie]

It was a positive experience. I wasn't looking for it, it just happened.
He was happy and I was happy. We were done and he went back to his hotel room and I went back to the party.
I never did something like that, finding some guy and having sex with him. Another learning experience, but this one was good.
I wish I did ask what he thought about me, I wish I told him that I had never done anything like that before. I hope he didn't look at me like some kind of crazy sex maniac.
I just wanted sex, and we were a match, and I didn't want anything else. He pushed the right buttons, and I let him.
It was a good night.

[Heather]

What does a guy think during all of that?

I do want to add here that guys aren't a monolith: there's nowhere near no one thought or ways of thinking that all people who identify as men or were assigned male sex at birth have. All of those (billions of!) people are very diverse, sexual experiences they all have also are very diverse, as are what they think and feel.

To find out what a partner is thinking or feeling, like Sam alluded to, you need to ask them, and that's totally something we can do! There's not only nothing wrong or weird about checking in with a partner before, during or after sex. That kind of communication is one of the essential parts of active consenting, it's how we find out more about what partners really want or like, it's how we make sex about more than just mushing body parts together, and this kind of communication is also something that tends to give more depth to our interactions with people.

So, next time, feel free to ask your partner!