Scarleteen

For some context I’m a transgender male who had been dating a female partner for about two years. Recently things had mutually ended on a good note, unrelated to my question. I have been thinking about how during those two years while she has been uninterested in sex I have discovered I am disinterested in specifically partnered sex, thankfully she understood. I don’t think this is a problem related to dysphoria since I don’t have any issue talking/knowing about my birth genitals. but I want to know if there is an way way to explain to future partners or any sort of reason why I might not like partnered sexual intimacy. I tend to only enjoy outer stimulation but not seeking it in a partner. Nothing is wrong with that but I’m a little bit confused with myself since I know I feel some level of sexual attraction to a partner but just never want to be sexually intimate. Is there an article someone can help me find to explain this further? Is there any kind of study that has been done to understand other people who mainly prefer masterbation? I wouldn’t say I even like the idea of mutual masterbation either.

Hi there cglxy45, and welcome to Scarleteen.

Have you looked into information about asexuality at all? I wonder if that's something that would resonate with you. Some people who are asexual do enjoy masturbation or have some feelings of sexual attraction to other people and others don't; there's a pretty wide spectrum in terms of how people experience it. We have a nice general overview of asexuality here if you'd like to take a look. Just the Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer

I had the thought of asexuality but anything I had asked about or read told me asexuality was almost like having no libido or sexual attraction in general. I honestly felt a little shunned from the places that had tried to explain to it, and I couldn’t really find anything resonating too closely with my question. Thanks for helping me find something

Hi hi!

Just wanted to pop in a resident person the ace spectrum to double affirm what that article wrote. Asexuality is a spectrum and like EVERY sexuality, it is not stagnent. Our desires and experiences can change over time and place, even person to person! When it comes to any and all labels, you take what you need and leave what doesn't work for you. I definetely have sexual desire, maybe not stuff I'd act on, but there's plenty of stuff that doesn't fit that generic description. All of this is to say, no matter how you end up feeling, there is no "wrong" way to do it. You cannot fail at being you. You aced that test already (that pun was unintentional but it was good so I'm keeping it).

If you ever have any more questions you might want to talk out with someone on the ace spectrum (or any of our amazing volunteers) don't hesitate to post.

Best,
Val