hi! i’m not sure if this is the right board, so i apologize. i also don’t know if this is too descriptive? but something happened this weekend that i don’t feel was entirely consensual or at least entirely something i wanted, and i don’t know if i’m just being dramatic (for lack of a better term).
i went to see a guy, someone who i’ve communicated with about us both liking each other. i stayed for a few days, and we made out a lot and that was about it for the majority of the time. that i was fine with, he listened very kindly whenever i told him i didn’t want to or needed a break.
he asked eventually if he could touch my genitals over my pants, which i hesitantly said yes to (we agreed that if it wasn’t something i wanted i could just tap his shoulder to let him know, and this was entirely okay with me) and that was okay. i had previously expressed my hesitance for actual intercourse (implying penetration) because i have a history of being taken advantage of in this sense, and wanted to do things at my own pace with him.
so far he had been very attentive and understanding of when something was too much, even reassuring me that he wasn’t going to try to pull a dumb excuse on me as to why we should go ‘all the way’. but after a while he said something like ‘well, obviously we’re not going to actually have sex tonight, but that’s okay’, and i felt bad, but felt it was a fair assessment, and not something i had to apologize for. however, past this, he started pushing more to do more (would bring things up multiple times after being told no/not right now, and wouldn’t let me put a full stop to anything we were doing, would just give me a few minutes before continuing to pursue it) and eventually he ended up almost inside of me, even though i was actively trying to move my hips away. he was talking about how ‘oh it probably won’t go in’ to which i told him i didn’t want to take the chance, and he should at LEAST put a condom on. he did, but ended up pushing to actually ‘have sex’ enough that i said yes and let him.
it was nice, i guess, but i felt very pressured, even though a few hours before he had told me that it was okay that i didn’t feel ready to do so with him. i told him yes and didn’t stop him, but it feels like he wasn’t taking any subtle no for an answer. which i guess i could have just said no upfront, but i liked what we had been doing before this, you know? am i overreacting to this or is it actually a bit iffy? should i have just been clearer? i’m sorry if my wording is a bit clunky, being so open about sex is still something i’m learning to do.