hello! here i am again.
my relationship with my partner (both 17) is going well, and we are incredibly happy. our sex life is totally good too!
we’re both switches, so during sexual situations it’s more than likely than one of us will be more dominant. sometimes we do that, and sometimes we both are silly and cute with nobody domming. either way, we both aren’t JUST subs or JUST doms.
recently, i’ve been domming….a LOT. i don’t remember the last time i’ve been able to be subby with my partner genuinely enjoying domming. i brought it up to them, and last night during a sexual situation they sheepishly admitted to me that domming in the way we’ve been doing it makes them uncomfortable because it makes them feel super masculine. they do insist on being a switch, though, and they are very open about enjoying domming. so the possibility of them being an exclusive sub is not it.
this made me feel really bad, because if i had known i wouldn’t have been so pushy about it.
this also got me thinking. of course being more dominant during sex would make them feel super dysphoria inducing masculine- they’re AMAB. this stuff is so ingrained into all of us that it just makes them feel…not good. i can’t relate, since i’m AFAB. domming for me feels inherently feminine, and our struggles with gender are very different in that way (i do wish that AMAB trans people were treated much better in this society….).
i’m trying to brainstorm certain feminine things i do that i could recommend to them. they enjoy domming, but clearly we need to change the way we do it in order to make both of us comfortable. i told them that sometimes i’ll paint my nails before we plan a date, because that makes me feel feminine during sexual stuff. i also told them that i’ll act in a certain way while domming sometimes, which….well, imagine a stereotypical succubus. that’s what i do. we also use certain words with each other like “sir” or “master”, and i considered dropping those entirely or coming up with new things to say.
but other than that, i couldn’t think of anything else.
this has been really getting to me since last night, and i wanna make sure my partner can be comfortable being dominant again. do you have any advice for how to do things in a feminine way, or new ways of doing BDSM type stuff entirely?