Hi Sam526687,
It makes sense that ignoring your interests and desires isn’t a great strategy. Reading erotica is a great place to start exploring your interest in BDSM. But I also really appreciate Carly’s note about using sexual media and erotica for entertainment, not as a “how-to” guide for sex.
The term ‘BDSM’ is very general, and not everyone who identifies as enjoying BDSM actually enjoys every part of the acronym (for example, a person could be interested in bondage but not interested in masochism or physical pain). Take time with yourself to figure out what you are interested in, and just as importantly, not interested in! Have you tried writing your own erotica, or would that be interesting to you? It may be a good way to explore your specific interests.
It sounds like you are being thoughtful about how to engage with BDSM in a way that feels safe to you. Forming and maintaining boundaries and consent are really important for all sex, and definitely apply to exploring BDSM solo. If you’re exploring, create some check ins with yourself to make sure you are still feeling safe and excited by the activity. Something I wouldn’t recommend is joining sexual chat rooms, especially because anyone under 18 can’t legally give consent. Here’s an advice article that talks a bit more about exploring sexual fantasies and BDSM -
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... y_sex_life