is my libido unhealthy?

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
fruityrumpus
not a newbie
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 10:37 pm
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Location: CA

is my libido unhealthy?

Unread postby fruityrumpus » Sat Mar 06, 2021 2:13 am

hi! seems as though i’m posting here a lot. maybe that’s a good thing!
for context, my libido is INCREDIBLY high and i’m the most hypersexual person i know. this is due to a few different things, and i’ve never considered it an issue (just something to discipline myself with when i make impulsive decisions).
my libido is so high that i’m never in a state of NOT being horny. i’m always at least at a 1, where 0 is not horny and 10 being tied to the bed or some other kinky stuff. it’s always at least in the background of my mind.
i only engage in sexual acts with myself or my partner when i actually feel like it, though, which means ..higher than a 5. i never do things out of boredom. we only do sexual things with ourselves or each other if we feel comfortable, safe, and horny enough, and never just because we have nothing else to do.
but today, i did something strange. i notice that sometimes my brain tells me “do a horny thing!” without me actually being bothered at ALL. i usually ignore it as impulse, and distract myself and move on with my day. but today was different.
i was cuddling with my partner, when my brain just said...sorry for the slang, but “dick in mouth. do it.” and i went ...okay...well, i CAN. but i’m not horny at all. so there’s no real reason to. i’m not OPPOSED to doing it, but what’s the point? and brain said “:3 do it” and i pretty much tried to analyze this very strange thought for about 10 minutes before i told my partner about it. we both thought it was really funny how i felt the need to do that without even being horny, and we joked around about it for a while.
to summarize, yea i ended up doing it. for fun? for some reason. i was at maybe a level 2 or 3 horny here, which is where i’m at normally anyway. but i still enjoyed myself and enjoyed doing it because performing that act is just..kinda fun for me, and my partner DEFINITELY enjoyed it.
later, i got self conscious about it. is that unhealthy? i wasn’t doing it out of boredom, and i definitely enjoyed doing it and enjoyed pleasuring my partner. but i wasn’t necessarily horny either, and simply...wanted to do it for fun? i’m not sure how to properly explain my feelings about it...
is this unhealthy? i keep weighing the evidence for both sides and i’m conflicted here.

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7290
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
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Location: Desert

Re: is my libido unhealthy?

Unread postby Sam W » Sat Mar 06, 2021 9:00 am

Hi fruityrumpus,

Given your age and the fact that you're recently started T, it's not all that unusual to have sex on the brain A LOT. And there's nothing wrong with feeling intense sexual desire and feeling it often. Honestly, I try to think of sexual thoughts as like any other thoughts: there's nothing inherently bad about having them, even if they pop up really frequently. It's more helpful to focus on if or how those thoughts drive our actions, or if they're actively causing us distress (for example, some intrusive thoughts can be incredibly stressful for the person having them).

There isn't anything wrong with doing something sexual out of a sense of fun or connection more than out of strong sense of arousal; how we choose to be sexual, especially with other people, is often made up of different motivator. As long as everyone is everyone is enthusiastically consenting, it's okay if sometimes the "this is fun" motivation is stronger than the "wow, I'm horny" one.

Now, since it sounds like those concerns about impulsivity might be play here, let me circle back to your previous conversation with Heather: have you made any progress in talking with your mental healthcare provider about a possible ADHD diagnosis or your worries about acting impulsively in general?

fruityrumpus
not a newbie
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 10:37 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: i am squishy!
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/they
My sexual identity and orientation: queer or gay
Location: CA

Re: is my libido unhealthy?

Unread postby fruityrumpus » Sat Mar 06, 2021 10:43 am

not yet...our last conversation was about top surgery concerns but we’ve taken care of that entirely.
this time, i’ll make sure to write down the concerns i have with possible ADHD and how i can deal with that, so i can talk about that next session. the ADHD symptoms are in other parts of my life and i’ve been meaning to talk about it for a while now, so now is the time.

it’s good to know doing things for fun isnt a bad thing! i got real worried about it because my anxiety loooves to tell me i’m addicted to sex (is that even a thing??) and sometimes i get worried about small things like this. i feel very relieved!

Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7290
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
My primary language: english
My pronouns: she/her
My sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: is my libido unhealthy?

Unread postby Sam W » Sun Mar 07, 2021 9:51 am

That sounds like a good plan for your next session!

So, sex addiction isn't a thing in the way people tend to present it. That is, addiction requires chemical dependency, which is something that just cannot happen with sex. The closest thing to it would be something like compulsion, where you feel like you're having sex not because you want to but because you need to or have to. If you're curious, I talk a lot more about that in this article: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... _addiction.


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