First, this is the first site I've found addressing my problem, and it was nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks!
Second, I've read a lot of like posts on here, so sorry for the redundancy, but the most similar ones I've seen havent yet reached resolution. I'm ready to give any info needed
I'm 20 now and have never been able to remotely masturbate, or feel significant pleasure during sex.
The closest I've ever got to orgasm was just by thinking!! But every time I touch myself, the illusion is instantly shattered.
Sometimes I immediately have no interest in continuing, but even when I do and try getting back on the boat, nothing works (have tried "relaxing", focusing, toys, technique... nothin so far). At worst I feel a bit grossed out.
Sometimes sex is enjoyable, but nothing ever "builds" the way it does when I'm just thinking. The good feeling of sex feels separate to the really warm feeling I get when just thinking, so while it's nice, I know it's not what I "can" be. It seems like a shallow pleasure. It's like I hit a wall. Often, I just dont feel anything.
As with masturbation, I have been truly aroused when beginning sex, but it fades pretty soon (at best ends up shallow pleasure), no matter who I'm with. I have only had a few partners-- one was really good, but I still hit "the wall". I have recently had worse consensual experiences where I ended up dissociating ("numb" and not present, robotic/ on autopilot, foggy memory of it, etc).
I really want to be able to connect what I feel inside to the outside, but as of now they have always been adamantly separate experiences. Im sure its in my head, but not sure where. Why do you think it's like this for me?