Hi Scarleteen Boards,
I’ve always found it very difficult to orgasm with a sexual partner. Before I met my current partner, I think I only orgasmed 3 times from around 15 different partners. I’ve been with my current partner for almost 2 years, and at the beginning of the relationship, after she learned what made me tick, I’d get there in around 40 minutes, which was great. But for the last year or so I just cant seem to reach that place any more. I become numb or it starts getting painful or I get upset. As such we don’t have sex nearly as often as she’d like. We’ve talked about it a number of times and she’s come to terms with it and currently we have sex without me reaching orgasm, but sometimes it leaves me unfulfilled.
* I was molested by my mother’s live-in partner when I was 9 to 12 years old. I’ve tried to work through it with different therapists but I can never bring myself to explore it properly.
* I had the non-hormonal IUD fitted about 6 years ago and had a very negative and painful experience with it. I removed it when my last serious partner and I broke up but still experience the same kind of pain in my womb/cervix area from time to time. I had a cervical biopsy not long ago due to this (they found a small amount of bruising) and thankfully it came back negative.
* Until I met my current partner, my relationship with sex has changed a lot. I’ve fluctuated between using it as a form of self harm to a tool for manipulation and ego boosting. Only in the last 3 years or so have I started really understanding the impact this was having on myself and others. At the moment I’m learning that sex is a form of intimacy and sharing.
* I think I may have desensitized myself with porn. I used to be able to get off from most things, but now only a very specific type of watersports porn does it for me. That’s the only way I can do it. My partner and I both know and accept that we both watch porn, and sometimes we watch it together. I stayed off the porn for a few months to see if that would have an impact on our sex life but unfortunately it didn’t. We’ve tried to incorporate watersports into our sex life but I feel a lot of shame around it.
I’m wondering whether anyone else has had a similar experience, or has any tips on how to deal with this. I have such a positive and fulfilling relationship with my partner aside from this, and I’m worried that it’ll cause problems down the line.