Hi, so I’ve posted recently about some issues I was having, and while they’re still sort of present, it’s gotten better! I have ups and downs, but I think I’m managing more on that front.
However, I still kind of have some issues that aren’t really related to mental health/not being able to orgasm at times, and are more “why do I not feel satisfied and how do I just stop?” (I hope it’s okay I posted here rather than continue my original thread. Just kind of felt like a different topic)
I recently went 2-3 days without masturbating at all, which wasn’t abnormal for me in the past, but it was recently. I was glad about this because I felt a little more focused on other things. It did suck a bit, because there were a couple times where I’d start to touch myself if I felt like it, and feel nothing, which made me go “ugh, fine, I give up” and I’d just lay in bed until I felt like doing something else. It made me feel a bit down, but I got through it! I think it gave me an excuse of “why bother, it’s just going to not feel good. Go do something else.”
Until after that when I masturbated multiple times in one day. I’m not upset about this - I’m actually pretty happy because it went weirdly quickly and easily! It didn’t make me think “ugh, when will this be over” at all! But then I kept wanting to do it.
I remember in the past when I started, I’d do it and be like “phew that was a lot” after I orgasmed and I’d be relaxed and even sleepy sometimes. Overall it felt great and I wouldn’t want to immediately start up again (though I would sometimes go on to do it again, but the point is that it had a noticeable effect and I was absolutely *satisfied* at least for a while).
But this time I went three times and I still wanted more. Right after the third, I told myself “okay I don’t want another, I’m good” though not in a satisfied way but rather a “I’ve had three, more than that is just excessive and it’s gonna take longer and be more stressful the more you go for.” But then slowly, the “okay but how about just one more…?” feeling crops up! And this isn’t the first time, it happens fairly often when I masturbate.
I also have issues with the different options I have, and that makes it a little worse too. Like sometimes I’ll just stimulate my clit, others I’ll stimulate my clit and insert a finger (which results in a different feeling when I orgasm), and others I use my electric toothbrush (only over underwear to be safe!) because it has a stronger effect (though using my toothbrush without my family members noticing it being gone from the bathroom is… difficult/risky to say the least).
I even think about orgasms I’ve had with the shower head because those are some of the strongest, but they’re also not an option for right now at least (more than thirty minutes in the shower is just too long).
And that just keeps making me want more. Like I’ll orgasm normally and say “hm, how about putting a finger inside, that’s good too”, then go for insertion and think “it was good but stronger before. let’s do that again” and so on. It’s like a cycle of “oh but that was good… or was the other option better? hm, try it again!” Evidently I can’t make up my mind, and it’s embarrassing like yes, they all feel good, but just pick one or two and then stop!
I also tell myself “you can just do it another time” because of course that’s an option, but I know I can do it *now* which is distracting. And if I tried to do it another time, I feel like it’d be on my mind until I could.
I just wish I could feel “done” and be more like I used to/how some people are where the idea of doing more makes you go “no thank you” rather than “uh oh, here we go again! ”
Is there anything I can try to do to alleviate this and actually feel like “yep, that was enough - no more necessary” and put it out of my brain for a bit?