I can only masturbate in one way?

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confused34
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I can only masturbate in one way?

Unread post by confused34 »

Hi,
so I learnt how to masturbate that way when i was quite young, maybe around 8. basically, I kinda ride my foot heel but i dont stimulate clit, or anything like that. it's pressing more in the area of vaginal opening? every time i do it i come with no issue, can do it in literally few minutes
but recently i became to worry that if i were to be with someone, i will not know how to explain how to make me orgasm
so i tried clit stimulation and fingering and sometimes i feel like its pleasurable but can never reach the same level as i do when i masturbate my "usual way"
ive never seen anyone do it like me, no one ever talks how they do it like that. everyone always says that clit stim is the best and they hump pillows, use fingers, toys but... it doesnt work for me. i feel like im defective.
and i know mental image and state play a big part and i shouldnt try and force myself to orgasm but i cant help but worry i wont ever be able to experience what all other girls do
what should i do? how should i try to learn? i watch porn with girls masturbating and try to copy them but its often fruitless, i get just wet and frustraited and more often than never try to finish the job with my usual way.
i just dont know what to do anymore, please can anyone help?
Siân
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Re: I can only masturbate in one way?

Unread post by Siân »

Hi confused34!

You are not defective. There are so many different ways to masturbate and have sex and if it feels good to you then great!

If you want to expand your repertoire, then the best thing is to let go of your ideas about how other people masturbate and focus on what feels good to you. It takes time to learn new things about your body and what it likes, so try not to rush yourself. If you know that you like broad pressure over a large area of your vulva and vaginal opening, then maybe start with variations on that before trying to jump to a whole new thing ?

Try to approach it with curiosity and have feeling good be your only goal. If you spend half an hour trying a stuff that you enjoy but doesn't lead to orgasm, that's half an hour you've just spent enjoying yourself, which is the whole point!

How does that sound?
confused34
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Re: I can only masturbate in one way?

Unread post by confused34 »

Hi~

thank you for the response. it actually made me think that maybe i should try to focus on that area more if it already worked on me before.
i guess its in my nature to be worried and be anxious when things dont work out in the way i want them to instantly haha

i know of my friends that also have various ways to do it but usually they all share same thing with clitoris stimulation etc. so i felt really bad about myself that i dont personally do that and never really gave me this satisfaction i feel when i use my "good old way".
i am also curious if its normal to feel this weird barrier that kinda stops you from reaching the O, i felt it several times since i tried to change the technique and could never really get past it - i am curious if its the matter of lack of technique, stimulation or maybe mental barrier?
thank you again for the response, hopefully it will get better soon
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Re: I can only masturbate in one way?

Unread post by Sofi »

Yep, it's normal to feel like there's something coming in between you and an orgasm, so to speak. Many people experience this and it's a combination of the technique being used and a mental barrier, both which can take some time and patiente to work through. If your technique has always worked for you then you don't NEED to change it unless you want to, even if your friends have a different one. The most important thing here is for you to be able to fully relax and clear your mind to enjoy that time of self care. Is that something you're able to do, or do you find yourself having certain thoughts that get in the way?
confused34
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Re: I can only masturbate in one way?

Unread post by confused34 »

Hi,

Thanks for the answer again, I feel like such a inexperienced kid now haha. Thank you for explaining,
I guess my biggest fear or thought I get nowadays is when I try to do new techniques is that I wont be able to ever reach high or feel any pleasure when I would finally do it with another person. I think its kinda shallow thinking but I wish I could also enjoy sex and overall intercourse with someone, but now when my "good old technique" isnt really... usable during any intimate moment with anyone since its quite weird anyway and i am still not sure how and why it works - i just become to worry more and more about it?
My friends techniques dont really push me to changing my own, it was more of combination what i said above and fact i want to try to learn more? Although im 99% sure i got a bit better since i tried to do it for the first time but it still lacks technique I believe and maybe... other things i am just not aware of? Its quite complicated i believe and somehow embarrassing to have such a difficult time in using just fingers haha. :,)
Urna
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Re: I can only masturbate in one way?

Unread post by Urna »

Hello!

Please don't feel inexperienced or embarrassed, the things we're talking about aren't very well-known at all! There are a bunch of stereotypical ways to masturbate that everyone grows up seeing and hearing about, which don't work for many of us out there, and I think it's worth celebrating that you've had a strategy for years that always brings you to orgasm.

I understand your fear about potentially not being able to reach orgasm when you have partnered sex. However, I think you may find that partnered sex has different things to offer than solo sex. It may be emotionally more charged, or physically more charged, because there's another person there to command your attention, and because you're not just focused on your own body and your own thoughts. Orgasm doesn't even have to be a goal, because it's fun simply having sex and being in the moment with someone else. At the same time, orgasm doesn't have to be impossible: you said that fingers and clit-rubbing does give you some pleasure, it just doesn't cause an orgasm. When you're having sex with someone else, you can start off with those, and do other stuff, and then when you feel like you're getting close, you could shift to your regular heel strategy! I promise you that it isn't as weird or uncommon a strategy as you think it is. In fact, the person you're with may just be super into it. Also, like Sian said, it may help to figure out exactly what it is about the heel strategy that works for you, and try to replicate it using other things. The heel of the palm may work similarly, especially if it's a sex partner's hand, because they can increase the pressure more freely than you'd be able to with your own palm.

If it's giving you any pleasure, it's good technique! And it is by no means uncommon or embarrassing to have a difficult time with just fingers, lots of people can't get off with just fingers. Pleasure is the goal here, not conforming to stereotypes about how people get off. Since you've already found a strategy that works perfectly, you should totally just build on that, and have fun doing it. Does that make sense?
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