What would you need in order to feel comfortable talking to your parents or guardians about sex?

Questions and discussion for those who are or have been pregnant (or have pregnant partners), parenting or about options with an unintended pregnancy.
No pregnancy scare posts here, please.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is for:
• People (or their partners) who are or have been actually pregnant: not might be, not worry they are, but who have verified a pregnancy with a home pregnancy test, a test from a clinic, a doctor's exam or with birth or a termination
• People (or their partners) who are pregnant looking for help and support choosing between remaining pregnant and then choosing to parent or arrange an adoption, or terminating a pregnancy with an abortion
• People looking for help or support after making any of those choices, or making them with a partner
• People looking for various kinds of information about pregnancy, and options with pregnancy, including things like healthcare and birth choices
• People wanting help with parenting, particularly around sexuality or relationship issues

Please do NOT post pregnancy scares here, or "Am I pregnant?"-s. If and when you are currently or have been pregnant, especially unintendedly, having someone talk about their fears who is clearly not pregnant, or who is not even willing to take a test to find out can feel deeply maddening and frustrating. Talking about a pregnancy fear as if it were an actual pregnancy is also deeply disrespectful to people dealing with actual pregnancies.

If you have questions about if you should seek out emergency contraception, take a pregnancy test, how methods of contraception work, or what things you have chosen to do may or may not have presented pregnancy risks, those questions belong in another forum, such as the Sexual Health forum, the Bodies forum or the Ask Us forum. Thank you!
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 8113
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
My primary language: english
My pronouns: they/them
My sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

What would you need in order to feel comfortable talking to your parents or guardians about sex?

Unread postby Heather » Sun Nov 03, 2019 12:03 pm

If you just don't have access to these people, or you flatly just don't want to, understood.

But, just as a bit of a thought experiment, if you don't already, what do you think would make you feel more inclined to talk openly and honestly to your parents or guardians about sex and sexuality? What would they need to do -- or not do -- in order for you to feel safe, and for those conversations to be useful and supportive for you?

That could be any number of things, for example, maybe it's that they would go get some more current information about sex and sexuality than they seem to have. Maybe they'd need to address any homophobia, biphobia or transphobia they have, or deal with sexism that colors their views. Perhaps they'd need to learn to be calmer, and more reactive, or to give you more room to have your own views and feelings instead of making theirs the only "right" ones or the only ones they're willing to listen to. Maybe you'd need them to do better at keeping confidences, or to be less judgmental. Those are just a few possibilities.

What do you think?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

phantomdog
not a newbie
Posts: 68
Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2018 5:38 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: i’m funny
My primary language: english
My pronouns: he / him
My sexual identity and orientation: bi
Location: massachusetts, usa

Re: What would you need in order to feel comfortable talking to your parents or guardians about sex?

Unread postby phantomdog » Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:32 am

i think my parents are in different boats when it comes to sex. so for my mom, i think she would need to understand that sex isn't "dirty" or "nasty" (some words she's used for it before) and be comfortable herself talking about it. i think she's extremely uncomfortable around sex and always has to use euphemisms to talk about it (which is almost always to tell me not to do it whenever i'm with my boyfriend). she's never even talked to me about periods or sex in any educational or informative manner, only that periods are something to never talk about and keep secret, and that i shouldn't have sex with him.

my dad is an open book and will answer any question honestly to his fullest knowledge, but he never made an effort to talk about sex. i don't think he's afraid to or uncomfortable around it, i guess it's just maybe not in the forefront of his mind. i would be comfortable talking to him about it but he always bites his tongue because he's afraid my mom will find out about the things he says and will create a scene. for this reason he is a very detached man. and i think that would extend into talking about sex.

AngelaQ
not a newbie
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Nov 16, 2019 11:30 am
My Awesomeness Quotient: My love for kindness
My primary language: English
My pronouns: Her
My sexual identity and orientation: Just me
Location: Buena Park, cali

Re: What would you need in order to feel comfortable talking to your parents or guardians about sex?

Unread postby AngelaQ » Sun Nov 17, 2019 7:59 am

My mom had me when she was 18, 17 when she was pregnant, and I know she is desperately worried about me. She never gives me any space and everything that I do with any kind of boy is absolutely wrong. I had a boy in my room when I was 13 and she freaked out on the both of us! She was worried about every little wrong thing possible when in fact the boy and I were just studying math and nothing more.
Age 15 and I started seeing boys on the side and lying about how I was going to school for whatever reason. I did this because I wanted to have my own little life and I knew if she had found out about it that she would never let me live my life at all.
I personally lost my virginity just so that I could go against my mom. I wanted to go against her views and I wanted to be in control of my own self. It was a stupid decision on my part but I still feel like I made the right decision towards her.
And the only reason I am open with her about having a boyfriend right now is that she thinks that I am hanging out with two guys and another girl and my mom feels better knowing that another girl is in the picture. When in fact that other girl was out of the picture last month and I am currently seeing the two guys (see my other post).
I wish my mom could tell me more about her sex life back when she was my age and tell me but she did right and what she did wrong and that way I can learn from her mistakes and understand where she is coming from in a better way. I wish I could be open with my mom and talk to her about boys and sex and masturbation and sex toys and you name it! All of this "sex is bad" stuff has only made me do things without her knowledge and my relationship with my mom that much worse.
On a side note I will add that I do not know who my dad is and my mom it's been a single mother all my life and I am the only child.
And on another side note I am very happy that I found Scarleteen.

bikinksterboy
not a newbie
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: my willingness to try essentially anything
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him
My sexual identity and orientation: bisexual
Location: New York

Re: What would you need in order to feel comfortable talking to your parents or guardians about sex?

Unread postby bikinksterboy » Tue Jan 14, 2020 1:29 am

I don't think I'd ever be able to talk completely openly about sex with my parents because they're significantly older than me, and much older than most parents of people my age.
“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”


― Gandalf, The Return of the King

bikinksterboy
not a newbie
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:32 pm
My Awesomeness Quotient: my willingness to try essentially anything
My primary language: English
My pronouns: he/him
My sexual identity and orientation: bisexual
Location: New York

Re: What would you need in order to feel comfortable talking to your parents or guardians about sex?

Unread postby bikinksterboy » Thu Apr 09, 2020 3:20 pm

I think one thing my parents could do tho is generally get more informed about sex, and especially "kink" (I know Heather doesn't like that term but it applies here). They're not homophobic or anything, but, for instance, when my mother found my bondage rope she got very concerned, thinking I might hang myself, and then had my older brother talk to me about "keeping my options open and not convincing myself I can never get off without this" or something like that.
“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”


― Gandalf, The Return of the King


Return to “Pregnancy and Parenting”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests