Abortion

Questions and discussion for those who are or have been pregnant (or have pregnant partners), parenting or about options with an unintended pregnancy.
No pregnancy scare posts here, please.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is for:
• People (or their partners) who are or have been actually pregnant: not might be, not worry they are, but who have verified a pregnancy with a home pregnancy test, a test from a clinic, a doctor's exam or with birth or a termination
• People (or their partners) who are pregnant looking for help and support choosing between remaining pregnant and then choosing to parent or arrange an adoption, or terminating a pregnancy with an abortion
• People looking for help or support after making any of those choices, or making them with a partner
• People looking for various kinds of information about pregnancy, and options with pregnancy, including things like healthcare and birth choices
• People wanting help with parenting, particularly around sexuality or relationship issues

Please do NOT post pregnancy scares here, or "Am I pregnant?"-s. If and when you are currently or have been pregnant, especially unintendedly, having someone talk about their fears who is clearly not pregnant, or who is not even willing to take a test to find out can feel deeply maddening and frustrating. Talking about a pregnancy fear as if it were an actual pregnancy is also deeply disrespectful to people dealing with actual pregnancies.

If you have questions about if you should seek out emergency contraception, take a pregnancy test, how methods of contraception work, or what things you have chosen to do may or may not have presented pregnancy risks, those questions belong in another forum, such as the Sexual Health forum, the Bodies forum or the Ask Us forum. Thank you!
Letmebe
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Abortion

Unread postby Letmebe » Sun May 17, 2020 8:20 am

I live in Texas. I wanted to have an abortion earlier but they were banned as elective surgeries due to coronavirus so I had no choice but to just keep going. Now I’m 23 weeks and they are open again but now it’s too late for me because they don’t do them this late. There is no hope for me having a normal life. I know people will judge me for this post but I wish every day this hadn’t happened.

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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Sam W » Sun May 17, 2020 9:04 am

Hi Letmebe,

I'm so sorry that the restrictions put in place (and in many ways used to further limit abortion access in places like Texas) have lead to you being in this situation. I want you to know you won't face any judgement from us here; we support a person's right to choose how they want to deal with a pregnancy, including choosing abortion.

We can take this conversation in whatever direction would be most helpful for you, but if abortion is still your first choice for how to deal with this pregnancy, have you looked into your options as far as accessing a "late term" abortion, including if you have the option to travel to get one based on the covid-19 measures in surrounding states? If not, is that something you'd like assistance with?

Letmebe
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Letmebe » Sun May 17, 2020 3:50 pm

I want an abortion but I don’t know where to go or how far I’ll have to go and I don’t have a support person to drive after.

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Re: Abortion

Unread postby al » Sun May 17, 2020 8:52 pm

Hi Letmebe,

There are a few options if you're still looking to get that care, either in or outside of Texas. Fund Abortion Texas is a pretty great resource, that helps fund or arrange transportation to/from clinics, as well as provide folks to accompany you for support. Their website has some good info, but I think the first step would be a phone call to their hotline number, which is 1-844-900-8908.
How would you feel about giving the hotline a call? Does talking with a volunteer on the phone about your situation and answering a few questions sound doable?
Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. -Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully

Letmebe
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Letmebe » Tue May 19, 2020 8:13 am

Yes, it does. Thank you.

Sam W
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Sam W » Tue May 19, 2020 8:18 am

You're very welcome! I hope the call goes well, and if there's anything else we can do to support you right now or in the future, just let us know.

Letmebe
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Letmebe » Fri May 29, 2020 7:49 pm

Just a follow up. I have it scheduled for next week. They were very helpful and kind and very sensitive of my situation.
Thanks for all your help. I will update afterwards but I have to drive 10 hours and stay 4 days.

Sam W
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Sam W » Sat May 30, 2020 7:25 am

Hi Letmebe,

I'm so, so glad you were able to get an appointment (even though it's one that requires some extra rigmarole to get to), and that the abortion fund was so helpful. If there's anything we can do to support you from a distance before or after the appointment, please let us know.

Letmebe
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Letmebe » Sat May 30, 2020 8:16 am

I’m just afraid but for the first time in a long time I can finally see a little light at the end of the tunnel.
I haven’t told anyone, it’s been so hard carrying such a burden all alone but no one here would ever agree with an abortion, especially one this late.
I know this is the right decision for me so I keep it to myself. My life has been torture and agony and a constant reminder of that night. I just want it to all be over. I wish things had turned out differently but I can’t change what’s been done. I can only look forward and try to make things better so that I can mentally survive and function again. My body isn’t my body right now, it’s his. My thoughts are only of that night. I don’t like who I am and what it takes to survive each day. I’m taking my life back dammit.

Sam W
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Sam W » Sat May 30, 2020 8:38 am

It's totally normal to be a little afraid of a medical procedure, even if it's one that's desperately wanted. Is there anything we can do to help with those nerves, whether that's provide information or support?

I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this whole situation more or less alone because the people around you aren't supportive. Doubly so because it sounds like the pregnancy is a reminder of something very painful for you. If you want to talk more about that situation and your feelings around it, you're more than welcome to do so here, and we'll support you however we can.

Letmebe
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Letmebe » Wed Jun 03, 2020 10:04 pm

It’s done now. Finished my procedure this morning. It ended up taking only two days instead of four. Such a hard thing to go through and feelings of guilt for feeling relief overwhelm me.

Sam W
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Sam W » Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:49 am

I'm glad you were able to access it a little more efficiently, since you were already having to jump through so many hoops just to get the appointment in the first place.

I want you to know that however you're feeling right now is totally okay and valid. People can and do feel all sorts of emotions after an abortion, and none of those are inherently the "right" emotion. In fact, it's pretty common for people to have some tough feelings after a pregnancy ends. Pregnancy causes some pretty big hormonal changes in your body, and when a pregnancy ends, by it by birth or abortion, there’s another bunch of big hormonal changes, which can lead to mood changes. Too, abortion is a very charged issue, one most of us have grown up with some strong messages around. If our feelings about an abortion don't match those messages, it can lead to some really rough times.

What would be the way we can best support you right now? We can talk through those feelings of guilt and relief, talk about some ways to take care of yourself in the coming days, or anything else that you might find helpful.

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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Heather » Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:58 am

I also want to add that relief is a very, very common feeling after abortion. I've spent some years of my life working with and around it, and if there's any one feelings I've seen and heard most, it's that one.

You were able to make the reproductive choice you wanted and was right for you. It certainly would have been terrible if you hadn't been, because it's always terrible when someone can't. Feeling relief about all of that isn't bad, it's to be expected. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Letmebe
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby Letmebe » Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:10 pm

Jumping through hoops is exactly right. My drive was over 11 hours and I went alone. Living in the Bible Belt of Texas I knew I couldn’t tell anyone.
All I’ve heard my whole life is how awful “those places” and the people are.
They were nothing but kind to me. They were accommodating to my needs like me not wanting versed in my IV because I like to feel in control of my body. The doctor came over to me when she was finished, eye to eye, as tears ran down my cheek and told me we were finished and asked if there was anything I needed. Such a monster, right.
They arranged rides to and from the clinic since I was alone. One car had a cross hanging from the mirror. What!? You can be a Christian AND support abortion? Mind blown.
I feel sad for what I did but not in the way most would expect. It’s not regret it’s just sorrow of the shit show my life has been over the past five months and the whirlwind of emotions I’ve been going through. I felt like I was going to die if I had to keep going with this pregnancy and I felt like this “monster” of a doctor saved my life.
I’m back home now and keeping it together. I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life and the second I’m alone the tears freely fall without warrant. I’m having some residual pain and bleeding and am binding my chest to help prevent milk coming in. So many things, so many reminders, but I’m almost done.

al
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Re: Abortion

Unread postby al » Thu Jun 04, 2020 11:21 pm

Hi Letmebe,

I'm so, so glad that you had a positive experience with the clinic staff. Feeling like you're in charge of what happens with your body and that the providers are there to take care of you is something that you deserve every time you're in the office, but especially for abortion procedures. The only thing monstrous about it is how your positive experience isn't universal.
While I wish you had closer and more convenient options, I'm also glad to hear that the folks giving rides were supportive and made you feel safe. (And were a positive example of Christian faith supporting reproductive choice to boot!)
I'm glad that you're home safe and in the home stretch. I think it totally makes sense that a lot of feelings and tears are coming up right now, because you're right - it's been a months-long process that has caused a lot of stress and worry for you, and you're seeing that start to resolve. Do you find yourself thinking about the future at all, or where you want things to go from here, or are you feeling more focused on the recovery process and the right-here-and-now?
Again, so glad to hear the update. Sending all my good thoughts your way <3
Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. -Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully


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