I feel like I'm pulled in a lot of different directions in terms of care. If I care about my stress, I would go back in the closet completely. It would eliminate stress at work and everywhere else and take care of my fear of being outed to my family. If I care about my sadness, I would find some places to be more open. It might help to feel included and accepted in a community (though I'm not sure that's something I even want anymore). If I care about the practicality, maybe just not thinking about it as much would help? I can't take back what I've told people, and it is not up to me what they do in terms of which pronouns they use and whether or not they tell others. It might make me feel bad and cause me stress to do nothing, but it might lower the intensity of those emotions if I learn not to care about it as much. It sort of feels like taking care of one aspect means neglecting another if that makes sense. Care is something I'm generally bad at, and it probably shows here.
This is all just so real, and feels to me like the conflicts a lot of people feel when it comes to being out about orientation and identity. I'd say it happens pretty often that it can feel like being one way would help in one regard, while it would cause strife in other ways. This, to me, is something where there often won't be a unilaterally great choice, and it becomes a matter of just trying to make our best choices when none of them feel super great, you know?
I do want to just make clear that you do have this community, and you get to both have the history you have of the way you have identified here, and still identify however you want in the present. Now, maybe for now, there's just us like that, but I want to make sure that a) you know you have us, and b) you know that the mere fact that we can exist for you and others in this way shows you that's out there if you want it, and probably not just here. Flatly, I feel like any community that can't offer us the bare basics like this probably isn't community worth having.
In terms of how you get okay with being uncomfortable, I'm not sure I'd say that's about learning not to care so much as it's about learning to just let yourself be uncomfortable, accepting it as a feeling, and doing whatever you can and need to for yourself when you're feeling that way. So often, it's something people try and push out or fix, but I'd say that more times than not, the "fix" is often just accepting we are going to feel that way sometimes -- and for some of us, a lot of the time! -- and just going through it, and getting whatever it is that it gives us through that process (which can be things like figuring out what we do need to feel more comfortable, or even just learning how to live with some kinds of discomfort).
If it helps to know, for me, places where I think I have been best able to learn those lessons are when living with chronic pain, in my own Buddhist practice and in writing/teaching from that sector of folks, living in poverty, mental health therapy, some kinds of sports training, and book publishing, a whole industry I haaaaaaaate with a whole process I despise (not the part where you write books: I love that part, but sadly, there's a lot more involved).