Hi ogawa.blue, and welcome to Scarleteen!
You've come to the right place because we love talking about all things gender. It sounds like you have been doing a lot of introspective work which is great place to be at, although also frustrating at times to not have all the answers. Everything that you described are completely normal ways to experience gender because, like sexuality, gender is flexible and can change even on the day-to-day level. Some people who have these experiences have connected with the term genderfluid. However, your gender identity is only something that you can determine. I just wanted to provide some language that may help as you as you are exploring. We have an article that dives into this topic and explains some of the basics of gender identity a lot better than I ever could:
Gender Confusion: Being unsure doesn't have to be a bummer. There are some more resources at the bottom of it that you might be interested in as well.
After reading it through, is there anything from there that resonates with you? Or that you have more questions about?