Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?

Questions and discussions about gender, gender roles and identity.
SpicyLemon
not a newbie
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 7:22 pm
Age: 18
Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
Primary language: German and English
Preferred pronouns: He/him, they/them, er/ihn/ihm are all fine
Sexual identity and orientation: Gay
Location: USA

Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?

Unread post by SpicyLemon »

Hey everyone, I hope y'all are doing well. I just had a quick question.

I was assigned male at birth and I feel comfortable with that. People use mostly he/him pronouns with me, and that's absolutely fine. Now, I'm also fine with they/them pronouns because, in my mind, they are gender neutral. My question is, and it might sound stupid, does that take away from the struggles of non-binary people?

What I mean by that is I am equally fine with either. She/her pronouns aren't me, but I'm fine with he/him and they/them, those are both me. I know that for some people, only they/them pronouns apply to them and they face a lot of hardship getting other people to use their correct pronouns, but I don't have that issue.

I don't know if this post is making sense. I rewrote this a few times and can't get it how I want. Does this make sense? If not, I can try to explain it more.
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 7463
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity and orientation: queer
Location: Desert

Re: Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi SpicyLemon,

I follow what you're saying! I don't think that being comfortable with they/them as well as he/him takes away from non-binary folks. It's not like there's a limited number of they/thems to go around, and that fact that you haven't had a hard time getting people to use either for you when other folks struggle to get their pronouns acknowledged is about the people in their lives refusing to respect them. That's not on you.

As long as you're clear on the fact that your relationship to they/them may be different from other peoples (which it sounds like you are), I think you're good.
SpicyLemon
not a newbie
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 7:22 pm
Age: 18
Awesomeness Quotient: I can play the ukulele badly
Primary language: German and English
Preferred pronouns: He/him, they/them, er/ihn/ihm are all fine
Sexual identity and orientation: Gay
Location: USA

Re: Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?

Unread post by SpicyLemon »

Hey Sam, thanks a lot for responding. That helped clear some things up, thank you. :)
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 8617
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 51
Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart.
Primary language: english
Preferred pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Comfortable with two sets of pronouns, does this make sense?

Unread post by Heather »

None of us can rep all of us, but as one nonbinary/agender person, I would actually love it if EVERYONE did what you're doing! It would normalize they/them as inclusive and neutral for potentially anyone and everyone to use, and as a much better default than he, she or he/she.

I think what you're doing is supportive of us, not co-opting, so thanks!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic