Pronoun/gender confusion

Questions and discussions about gender, gender roles and identity.
Rat
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2020 7:39 pm
My primary language: English
My pronouns: she/they
My sexual identity and orientation: gay/asexual
Location: UK

Pronoun/gender confusion

Unread postby Rat » Wed Dec 30, 2020 8:07 pm

My second post in one day, sorry, it is currently 2:57 am and I am having a crisis :)

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I feel more comfortable with the pronouns they/them but I really don't know why.
I was born female, and this isn't something I really get dysphoria or discomfort from. I love cute and feminine things, as well as masculine things, some days I wear skirts and cutesy animal patterned clothes, others I go in the opposite direction in dark, edgy-er outfits.

I don't not feel like a female. I don't get uncomfortable looking in the mirror, or otherwise feel wrong about my body. But I get a strange discomfort in how I'm addressed.

When I am referred to as a girl, or with she/her pronouns, I feel weird. I feel detached from the female side of things, as though its 'girls and then me'. I don't know what this means. Is it a gender thing, or internalized misogyny? I feel as though my gender identity doesn't match up with how I'd prefer to be referred to.

Sorry for the rant, it is now 3:06 am and I really need some sleep :)

Sam W
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My primary language: english
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Re: Pronoun/gender confusion

Unread postby Sam W » Thu Dec 31, 2020 8:49 am

Hi Rat,

No need to apologize, I'm glad you feel comfortable asking questions here!

So, to preface everything, one of the exciting (but also sometimes frustrating) things about gender is that it's up to you to decide what you're feelings around your gender are and what they mean. We can offer thoughts, but we (or anyone else) don't get to decide for you what your feelings mean.

If it helps to know, someone doesn't have to experience severe dysphoria (or any dysphoria) to be trans or gender nonconforming. Too, what you're describing doesn't sound like internalized misogyny; that has more to do with seeing women as lesser when you are one, rather than feeling like woman/girl isn't the right category of gender for you.

Since it sounds like something about being viewed as a girl (by yourself or by others) doesn't feel right to you, which could indicate that a different gender identity could feel right. Can you give me a sense of how much reading or exposure you've had to nonbinary identities? And do you feel like you could ask the people in your life to start referring to you with they/them pronouns, to see how that makes you feel when it's happening consistently?


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