Helping a friend

Questions and discussion about contraception, safer sex, STIs, sexual healthcare and other sexual health issues.
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Helping a friend

Unread post by Jellyfish777 »

So my friend just went through a really horrible, awful thing. A guy she was with crossed previously established boundaries and he ended up putting his penis in her a few times to try and "get her into it" despite her saying she absolutely didn't want to do that. She is handling this situation remarkably well considering how just messed up that was, except for she is in a panic over pregnancy risk. He was only in her for a few seconds and was no where near ejaculation, plus she was less than a week away from her period starting and she also took plan B. She hasn't gotten her period yet and that ie really bugging her, even though it is scheduled to start tomorrow. So, how can I best reassure her that she is not pregnant and that her period will come? Also, how does plan B change your cycle?
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Re: Helping a friend

Unread post by Heather »

She's lucky to have you as a friend: how great that she has that support from you. Sexual assault -- especially kinds like this, which so often are presented as something other than what it is, which is sexual assault -- is so isolating.

The thing is, Plan B isn't 100% effective: I wish it was, including so you could tell her it was. But Plan B + withdrawal (which is effectively what was used here since he didn't ejaculate) does really minimize her risks to the point where it would be incredibly unlikely. Mind, pregnancy also tends to take about 10 or so days to get to the point where it could make a period late in the first place, so if it hasn't been that long, her period is likely late for other reasons, like the stress of all this or the Plan B. But the only way for her to be sure she isn't pregnant is to take a pregnancy test: she certainly could take one now because if her period *was* late because of pregnancy, her test would also be positive. Know what I mean?

Now is probably not the time yet to mention this with her, but she will also have STI risks to contend with here: they're just as likely as a pregnancy would be from unprotected sex. Maybe in a month or so, if she hasn't brought it up herself, you can make a date for your own testing and invite her to join you or something?
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Re: Helping a friend

Unread post by Gone.Sorry. »

Oh no! I'm so sorry for what your friend has gone through! That's so scary and awful! It sounds good that she has a friend like you to stand by her.

Considering what she went through, I wouldn't be surprised if focusing on this potentialiality of pregnancy was just a way to help distract her from processing all of what she went through and/or breaking down. It might just feel easier to freak out about the pregnancy than the assault. I think the best thing you can do to support your friend right now is to just be there for her. Be the person she can rant and cry and be angry and be scared to. Keep reassuring her that she's done everything she can but know that it's possible she needs to be able to freak out over this right now to keep seeming like she's handling this situation remarkably well, so there's likely nothing you can do to really reassure her and stop these worries. =(

Great question about Plan B and your cycle! Plan B can impact your cycle, making either start up to a week earlier or a week later than expected. Someone who's taken Plan B can also rarely experience random spotting and bleeding around the time they've taken the pill. Depending on when someone who takes Plan B is at in their cycle, they may start at their expected time but notice their period lasts for longer than usual.

Is your friend thinking of pursuing legal action? Or does she have plans for mental health counseling for herself?

How about you? Are you taking care of yourself and taking stock in how you feel during this time?
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