Hi Hel, thank you for messaging! It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and that distressing sexual experience just made things worse. But you also seem very self-aware and attuned to your needs and overall emotional climate, which is great, and will definitely help you work through these circumstances. My advice would be to not engage in any kind of sexual activity when you a) know that you're in a bad mental state for it, b) are not getting turned on by the sort of stuff that usually gives you pleasure, and c) sex leaves you distressed and feeling even worse than before you started. Listen to your body, honour your limits, and please don't traumatize yourself by saying yes to or suggesting sex that ultimately makes you feel miserable. I'm glad your boyfriend is being supportive right now, though, and I'd suggest that you two find other avenues for stress relief, such as maybe going on a date with fun activities planned that can distract you from the issues you're facing at home, or watching a movie together, cooking together, etc. Does that sound viable?