Scarleteen

Hello!

So I’ve been having P-in-V sex with the same boy for about six months now, and its been fine for the most part, but the past three times I have had sex, I find that a little while afterward the bones or muscle or something around my vagina feel super sore. Also, when I pee directly after sex, theres small amounts of pink blood on the tissue when I wipe? (I am not menstruating.) Neither of these problems have ever been an issue before. We haven’t changed anything about the way we do things (no change of lube, or new positions) so I’m unsure if this is cause for concern!!

If you have any advice thatd be awesome, thanks!

Hey there, CatHaru.

Are you both up to date with your basic sexual healthcare, especially if you haven't been stringent about barrier use for all the sexual activities where STI transmission can occur? That isn't to say that must be what this is about, but it's one possibility, so I want to be sure to check in about that first.

Also, are you ever having any pain or discomfort *during* the sex you're having? Are you coming to that sex you're having any less aroused than before, or feeling less excited during? Does anything else feel different?

Have you been having any urinary issues outside of these incidents, like feeling like it's harder to go even when you feel you have to, or having any pain when you urinate?

Hi!

So I actually recently had a test for both chlamydia and gonorrhea and they both came back negative!

I also probably should have mentioned I had my first UTI a few weeks ago but have been off antibiotics for about two weeks now and no longer have symptoms.

No pain during sex tho, unless we try when I’m already feeling sore which we stop then. I think its possible I feel less aroused as of lately. My heads in the game but I don’t feel the sensation in my parts as much until we start doing stuff. Only recently tho.

Hi CatHaru26,

Glad to hear you're staying on top of your sexual healthcare! If you recently got over a UTI, I'd keep an eye out to make sure the symptoms you're noticing after sex don't start happening other times, in case it's a sign another UTI is starting up.

Since you've noticed that change in your arousal, have the two of you focused on starting off with things other than vaginal sex (or fingering that includes going inside the vaginal canal)? Making sure your body is really raring to go may help with this issue. Too, you could also try adding more lube into the mix and seeing if that helps.

I will definitely give these things a try! We try to spend a lot of time trying to get me there and it does work sometimes. I still find pain/blood even on the times when I am more ready to go than other times. The lube thing I’m definitely going to try. Maybe we need to try reapplying if we’re going to go for a while?

Hi CatHaru,

Absolutely, as a general rule there is no such thing as too much lube! Using liberally and often can make it more fun for both of you.

From your description here, I'm not hearing a lot about your pleasure or desire. I wonder, when you decide "let's have sex", what's the motivation on your end?

Well, usually my boyfriend initiates it and well-I’m into because I know that he can make me feel good if that makes sense? He usually starts touching me in ways that get me going as well.

Lately, its been getting harder and harder for me to get into it out of the fear its going hurt or I’m going to bleed tho, which actually makes it hurt more.

It does make sense, as does that unpleasant loop of "you felt pain the last time, so now you're tense, which makes it more likely that you'll feel pain this time."

Do you think you'd feel better if you took a break from vaginal sex for awhile and just focused on other sexual things, just to remove some of that worry for now?

That’s definitely what we’ve been doing and are going to do for a little while! We’ve communicated about it and agreed thats whats best for a little.

Do you know if theres any way to heal it if lack of lubrication was the issue? Should more lube help or do I need to allow it to heal? Or is there something else I can do?

Hi CatHaru26,

Since you've described light bleeding and no pain during sex (unless you're already sore), I think it's safe to let it heal on its own while you and your partner take a little break and try other things. This will especially be good for you since it sounds like this is stressing you out mentally. Taking this time can allow you to maybe check the area or even experiment on your own to allow that return-to-self to happen over time. That being said, if you're in a position where you're able to see a gynecologist, there's no harm in going in to get a specialized opinion. If the bleeding persists or if you start to feel pain, I would definitely recommend talking to a doctor. You may even be able to do a virtual visit if you're uncomfortable going in for pandemic reasons.

I have to see my gynecologist in a few weeks anyway for a birth control check-in so if this problem persists I will definitely ask my doctor about it. Until then, I’m menstruating for the week and then I’m just going to take some time away from sex to heal and destress myself for a little. Thank you for that advice

That sounds like a good plan!