There's no need to apologize; we're here to talk about the stuff that can feel weird to bring up other places, and talking with users is never a waste of our time. It's kind of why we do this <3
I think it's sound to take a break from masturbation if you're realizing it's bringing up those grief feelings for you. Have you spoken about those feelings around parenthood and pregnancy with your therapist?
Would it help to unpack some of those fears or grief here too? Or maybe look for some examples of trans women who did become parents talking about their journeys?