Search found 834 matches

by Jacob
Sun Apr 12, 2020 10:42 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Struggling with dating apps
Replies: 37
Views: 4458

Re: Struggling with dating apps

Sounds like quitting for now is a good choice. Honestly, dating apps are private companies with closed code, so nobody really knows how they work and their settings probably change all the time too, or if they 'demote' people's profiles for poor behaviour - I doubt it. You might just have to use you...
by Jacob
Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:48 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: maybe sexually abusive ex gf ?
Replies: 3
Views: 1616

Re: maybe sexually abusive ex gf ?

I'm so sorry this happened alligatoralley! You have every reason to feel pain around it... Absolutely it can happen that our bodies can show the signs of arousal and stimulation even when the overall situation is something we're strongly against, and are deeply unhappy with and a painful experience ...
by Jacob
Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:41 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 1686

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

I'm glad you had what felt like a good chat!

I don't imagine you needed to apologise. Sometimes stating your needs is the thing that makes those sorts of conversations more possible.

Did you talk about the fact he was inviting your round during a pandemic?
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 11:51 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 1686

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

Exactly. Time to enjoy your time keeping up with your people who actually show care and respect towards you!
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:39 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Butterfly feelings
Replies: 4
Views: 1209

Re: Butterfly feelings

Interesting! It might be your therapist felt it that whole time, or perhaps means something different to what I mean. For me it feels like a form of nervousness mixed with excitement and attraction. It's not an unpleasant nervousness, not dissimilar to the feeling of jumping into a cold pool, exciti...
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:08 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Butterfly feelings
Replies: 4
Views: 1209

Butterfly feelings

Zoia asked this in another thread but it actually feels like an interesting topic to talk about generally. Hence this is new discussion topic! Is 'butterflies' or feeling 'butterflies in my stomach' when you are around a crush, new partner or even long-standing partner something that people can rela...
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 3:28 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 1686

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

my friends/family life is okay :) i feel pretty connected to everyone still through zoom calls and facetime, i’m currently quarantined with my roommate who happens to be one of my closest friends so thankfully i’m not in a bad situation! That's awesome! I think crisis doesn't necessarily bring out ...
by Jacob
Thu Apr 09, 2020 7:12 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Kink fail :(
Replies: 7
Views: 1214

Re: Kink fail :(

Hi sky! I wonder if part of what Heather is saying about 'Kink' not being the best framework for talking about sexuality and desire, could be a helpful thing for you to dig into more! So instead of a our desires being described as kinks... like a fixed continuous thing we 'have', or a condition whic...
by Jacob
Thu Apr 09, 2020 6:44 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 1686

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

Hi avaiara! It's nice to hear from you! Reading you write about this situation it sounds like, recently, he hasn't been a good person for you, at least in communication style (or lack thereof!) to be in contact with in your more recent attempts to interact with him. I understand that this is a stres...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 7:22 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush
Replies: 2
Views: 1131

Re: My crush

Returning to this thread after speaking to Heather to make sure I'm also settting that firm limit regarding overstepping our user guidelines in your posts. Again, I'd encourage you to contact Plavi Telefon to talk about suicide and access whatever you can on that front. I'll be locking this thread a...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:51 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Binding
Replies: 8
Views: 4093

Re: Binding

I'm sorry someone said that sky! Honestly, nobody can tell us who we are, whether that's gender or any other part of our identity. "You're not [x] and you just need to be the best [y] you can be" just sounds like a formula for denying people the right to explore their own selves. What can ...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:40 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Pictures
Replies: 3
Views: 749

Re: Pictures

Hi ailurophiledork, I don't think you have anything to feel ashamed of! There's nothing wrong with trusting a friend you probably cared about, it's their fault and their problem that they betrayed that trust. It's a terrifying experience to feel your social circle, people who might have been friends...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:01 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: Please answer
Replies: 3
Views: 1395

Re: Please answer

As in my other post, I am only here briefly, but what I'll say here that I completely disagree with your therapist. Of course i wasn't in the room during your conversation but my understanding of consent is that it's something you engage in to strive for a decent level of mutual understanding and mu...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 5:56 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush
Replies: 2
Views: 1131

Re: My crush

I'm only here briefly and can't give an in depth answer, but I want to say I'm so sad you're feeling this way about yourself right now! Now is an especially hard time for most of us to keep and enjoy positive connections with folks at a long distance, and that can really impact our deeper feelings a...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 5:44 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: Please answer
Replies: 3
Views: 1395

Re: Please answer

I'm just working through approved posts right now so I am posting your message from a separate new topic here:

I don't think I said yes but if I did I didn't really want it and he knew i didn't,that is,if I said yes,which I'm 90% sure I didn't
by Jacob
Tue Apr 07, 2020 8:27 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Binding
Replies: 8
Views: 4093

Re: Binding

Hi Sky! I don't have personal experience of Binding but we have some resources by people who have I can share: Trans Summer School: Gender Expression Gear My understanding is that it can take a lot of trial and error to find the right binder, so it might be good to know the returns policy on anythin...
by Jacob
Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:58 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Contraceptive pills - medical history
Replies: 31
Views: 4098

Re: Contraceptive pills - medical history

Hi Julia! Following on from Alexa: yep it's very safe! That of course is practically speaking, but it's hard to convince ourselves of practical things with the worries are more emotional. If anything hormonal birth control lowers the risk of some health problems, however many of us live in communiti...
by Jacob
Sat Apr 04, 2020 7:39 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Contraceptive pills - medical history
Replies: 31
Views: 4098

Re: Contraceptive pills - medical history

I think it's more accurate to say that they could use it to suppress periods... for example I have a friend whose periods trigger very powerful migranes. When on birth control the periods aren't regulated but are stopped and replaced with a bleed once a month which is the body's response the supply ...
by Jacob
Sat Apr 04, 2020 7:29 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: I just feel so broken..Am I?
Replies: 217
Views: 25395

Re: I just feel so broken..Am I?

I'm glad that was a little helpful at the end! To be clear I wasn't saying that you should stop caring, I don't think you 'should' do anything. I think you're doing so so well. I meant to use the idea of not caring to highlight the progress you're already making in caring more and more for yourself,...
by Jacob
Sat Apr 04, 2020 6:53 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Social construct?
Replies: 3
Views: 923

Re: Social construct?

Pretty much yes! The term 'social construct' does get thrown around a lot; strictly speaking, all the language, words and status we give to all things in society are social constructs. However, I feel like concept of virginity goes much further than that, and is a particularly dishonest and harmful ...
by Jacob
Sat Apr 04, 2020 6:10 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Struggling with dating apps
Replies: 37
Views: 4458

Re: Struggling with dating apps

Actually, "giving up" at least on looking for a partner at this point in time with the tools available to you, is what I am suggesting! Stepping away is entirely doable - "primative instinct" doesn't exist that way, and is used waaaaay too much as an excuse to avoid responsibilit...
by Jacob
Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:59 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: I just feel so broken..Am I?
Replies: 217
Views: 25395

Re: I just feel so broken..Am I?

It's great that that's something you could consider! With the laughing, I'd say laughing really can be a defense mechanism and an extention of the same abusive crap they were pulling before. It can even be a way of avoiding all the feelings of guilt, or whatever other demons they have, that have to ...
by Jacob
Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:26 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Crying instead of Orgasming
Replies: 1
Views: 770

Re: Crying instead of Orgasming

Hi Softieicelou! I don't think you need to "practise everyday" like those articles have said, it's not a flute! Can I ask you, when you cry, does it feel like you're sad and letting something out, maybe related to the frustration of the situation? Or more of an unexpected physical thing th...
by Jacob
Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:38 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: Taking back an abusive ex?
Replies: 37
Views: 7476

Re: Taking back an abusive ex?

I am still here for her. I want to help her. But we think it's for the best that I don't reach out. Not right now. This sounds like the right call. It sounds like the impact of offering that help would be very limited for her, but massive for you. The virus stuff heightens so many of the problems w...
by Jacob
Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:23 am
Forum: Sex, Culture and Politics
Topic: What should I do about the Trump-supporters in my life?
Replies: 7
Views: 2822

Re: What should I do about the Trump-supporters in my life?

So good to hear from you!

I really really don't get it either, but it's good that at least your relationship with this person doesn't feel like an issue right now!

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