Search found 893 matches

by Jacob
Tue Apr 21, 2020 3:11 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: I don't feel good even when I try to masturbate.I don't think I'm asexual though
Replies: 16
Views: 7030

Re: I don't feel good even when I try to masturbate.I don't think I'm asexual though

I'm so happy this was all so helpful!

Practising connection with yourself is definitely a great idea... if it does feel 'too much' then you can always slow down, or stop and come back to it another day.
by Jacob
Sun Apr 19, 2020 9:06 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: I don't feel good even when I try to masturbate.I don't think I'm asexual though
Replies: 16
Views: 7030

Re: I don't feel good even when I try to masturbate.I don't think I'm asexual though

I'm saying similar stuff to Alexa - there's some great advice. No appologies needed for being complicated! Well done for being your own complicated self! I'm so glad you conneccted with it all, and that it sounds like it can help you engage in therapy too. One thing, though: I'm not a sir! You can c...
by Jacob
Sun Apr 19, 2020 7:11 am
Forum: Et Cetera
Topic: MSN Bot
Replies: 6
Views: 6346

Re: MSN Bot

Hiya! Bots like this are basically the backbone of the modern search-engine-driven internet! They go through the internet collecting keywords and building a 'map' of what words or phrases are used on every website on the internet. So if I search "Masturbation Scarleteen boards" in Bing, it...
by Jacob
Thu Apr 16, 2020 11:02 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Slurs
Replies: 9
Views: 3477

Re: Slurs

It's good to know you personally feel safe-ish around him. I'll say that simply being around violent speech does affect us, even if it isn't strictly 'about us'. I always feel that if someone is rejecting a group that I am not a part of, I still feel like it could have been me, and that hurts on its...
by Jacob
Thu Apr 16, 2020 8:34 am
Forum: Pregnancy and Parenting
Topic: Pregnancy Scare/stress
Replies: 1
Views: 10237

Re: Pregnancy Scare/stress

Hi Jazb! We don't answer questions around pregnancy fears unless the person has indicated that they are actually pregnant. It sounds like what you're experiencing might be closer anxiety. This often matches up with having worries or guilt for having sex, or feelings associated with especially stress...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:16 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Slurs
Replies: 9
Views: 3477

Re: Slurs

Oh wow. I'm sorry you're having to experience this from him, and to have him be so patronising when you challenge him. If it helps, I honestly think having challenged him is a compassionate and 'friendly' thing to do, in that it shows that you believe he can learn and do the right thing. I don't kno...
by Jacob
Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:21 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Keeping in Touch
Replies: 5
Views: 2830

Re: Keeping in Touch

I know it's been a little overwhelming for me Raffles, to have lots of platonic chums who I could connect with remotely, but just because the world stops it doesn't mean our anxiety always does, so the excessive amount of opportunity there is can be a bit of a challenge! It can be good to just take ...
by Jacob
Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:11 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: survivor help
Replies: 3
Views: 1768

Re: survivor help

Hi Dani! I don't think you've traumatised him at all! We do I think, share in our partners problems a little, but sharing in unknown pasts and futures is also a choice that we enter into when we begin a relationship with or have sex with another person. It's not the same as having a traumatic experi...
by Jacob
Tue Apr 14, 2020 9:04 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Extreme Anxiety about a lie I told!!!!
Replies: 3
Views: 1962

Re: Extreme Anxiety about a lie I told!!!!

Hi Lolgal! I think your friend is very correct, that this particular thing wouldn't seem bad to most people. Plenty of people say "they're not my dad" about a person who has done them and their loved ones harm. If it felt like one small thing that would help you survive, then I'm glad you ...
by Jacob
Sun Apr 12, 2020 1:07 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: I don't feel good even when I try to masturbate.I don't think I'm asexual though
Replies: 16
Views: 7030

Re: I don't feel good even when I try to masturbate.I don't think I'm asexual though

Patience can be a good thing! So can saying "I am doing well, and it's ok for me to take a long time". I am happy to share, no problem. I can't 100% remember what I was going to reply when I initially offered, but I'll do my best here: So. I have definitely had the experience of doubting m...
by Jacob
Sun Apr 12, 2020 10:42 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Struggling with dating apps
Replies: 37
Views: 10853

Re: Struggling with dating apps

Sounds like quitting for now is a good choice. Honestly, dating apps are private companies with closed code, so nobody really knows how they work and their settings probably change all the time too, or if they 'demote' people's profiles for poor behaviour - I doubt it. You might just have to use you...
by Jacob
Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:48 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: maybe sexually abusive ex gf ?
Replies: 3
Views: 5580

Re: maybe sexually abusive ex gf ?

I'm so sorry this happened alligatoralley! You have every reason to feel pain around it... Absolutely it can happen that our bodies can show the signs of arousal and stimulation even when the overall situation is something we're strongly against, and are deeply unhappy with and a painful experience ...
by Jacob
Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:41 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 3216

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

I'm glad you had what felt like a good chat!

I don't imagine you needed to apologise. Sometimes stating your needs is the thing that makes those sorts of conversations more possible.

Did you talk about the fact he was inviting your round during a pandemic?
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 11:51 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 3216

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

Exactly. Time to enjoy your time keeping up with your people who actually show care and respect towards you!
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:39 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Butterfly feelings
Replies: 4
Views: 2450

Re: Butterfly feelings

Interesting! It might be your therapist felt it that whole time, or perhaps means something different to what I mean. For me it feels like a form of nervousness mixed with excitement and attraction. It's not an unpleasant nervousness, not dissimilar to the feeling of jumping into a cold pool, exciti...
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:08 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Butterfly feelings
Replies: 4
Views: 2450

Butterfly feelings

Zoia asked this in another thread but it actually feels like an interesting topic to talk about generally. Hence this is new discussion topic! Is 'butterflies' or feeling 'butterflies in my stomach' when you are around a crush, new partner or even long-standing partner something that people can rela...
by Jacob
Fri Apr 10, 2020 3:28 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 3216

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

my friends/family life is okay :) i feel pretty connected to everyone still through zoom calls and facetime, i’m currently quarantined with my roommate who happens to be one of my closest friends so thankfully i’m not in a bad situation! That's awesome! I think crisis doesn't necessarily bring out ...
by Jacob
Thu Apr 09, 2020 7:12 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Kink fail :(
Replies: 7
Views: 2603

Re: Kink fail :(

Hi sky! I wonder if part of what Heather is saying about 'Kink' not being the best framework for talking about sexuality and desire, could be a helpful thing for you to dig into more! So instead of a our desires being described as kinks... like a fixed continuous thing we 'have', or a condition whic...
by Jacob
Thu Apr 09, 2020 6:44 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
Replies: 9
Views: 3216

Re: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!

Hi avaiara! It's nice to hear from you! Reading you write about this situation it sounds like, recently, he hasn't been a good person for you, at least in communication style (or lack thereof!) to be in contact with in your more recent attempts to interact with him. I understand that this is a stres...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 7:22 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush
Replies: 2
Views: 2241

Re: My crush

Returning to this thread after speaking to Heather to make sure I'm also settting that firm limit regarding overstepping our user guidelines in your posts. Again, I'd encourage you to contact Plavi Telefon to talk about suicide and access whatever you can on that front. I'll be locking this thread a...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:51 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Binding
Replies: 8
Views: 6723

Re: Binding

I'm sorry someone said that sky! Honestly, nobody can tell us who we are, whether that's gender or any other part of our identity. "You're not [x] and you just need to be the best [y] you can be" just sounds like a formula for denying people the right to explore their own selves. What can ...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:40 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Pictures
Replies: 3
Views: 1525

Re: Pictures

Hi ailurophiledork, I don't think you have anything to feel ashamed of! There's nothing wrong with trusting a friend you probably cared about, it's their fault and their problem that they betrayed that trust. It's a terrifying experience to feel your social circle, people who might have been friends...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:01 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: Please answer
Replies: 3
Views: 5298

Re: Please answer

As in my other post, I am only here briefly, but what I'll say here that I completely disagree with your therapist. Of course i wasn't in the room during your conversation but my understanding of consent is that it's something you engage in to strive for a decent level of mutual understanding and mu...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 5:56 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush
Replies: 2
Views: 2241

Re: My crush

I'm only here briefly and can't give an in depth answer, but I want to say I'm so sad you're feeling this way about yourself right now! Now is an especially hard time for most of us to keep and enjoy positive connections with folks at a long distance, and that can really impact our deeper feelings a...
by Jacob
Wed Apr 08, 2020 5:44 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: Please answer
Replies: 3
Views: 5298

Re: Please answer

I'm just working through approved posts right now so I am posting your message from a separate new topic here:
I don't think I said yes but if I did I didn't really want it and he knew i didn't,that is,if I said yes,which I'm 90% sure I didn't

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