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- by Jacob
- Sun Apr 19, 2020 7:11 am
- Forum: Et Cetera
- Topic: MSN Bot
- Replies: 6
- Views: 6346
Hiya! Bots like this are basically the backbone of the modern search-engine-driven internet! They go through the internet collecting keywords and building a 'map' of what words or phrases are used on every website on the internet. So if I search "Masturbation Scarleteen boards" in Bing, it...
- by Jacob
- Thu Apr 16, 2020 11:02 am
- Forum: Relationships
- Topic: Slurs
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3477
It's good to know you personally feel safe-ish around him. I'll say that simply being around violent speech does affect us, even if it isn't strictly 'about us'. I always feel that if someone is rejecting a group that I am not a part of, I still feel like it could have been me, and that hurts on its...
- by Jacob
- Thu Apr 16, 2020 8:34 am
- Forum: Pregnancy and Parenting
- Topic: Pregnancy Scare/stress
- Replies: 1
- Views: 10237
Hi Jazb! We don't answer questions around pregnancy fears unless the person has indicated that they are actually pregnant. It sounds like what you're experiencing might be closer anxiety. This often matches up with having worries or guilt for having sex, or feelings associated with especially stress...
- by Jacob
- Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:16 am
- Forum: Relationships
- Topic: Slurs
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3477
Oh wow. I'm sorry you're having to experience this from him, and to have him be so patronising when you challenge him. If it helps, I honestly think having challenged him is a compassionate and 'friendly' thing to do, in that it shows that you believe he can learn and do the right thing. I don't kno...
- by Jacob
- Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:21 am
- Forum: Relationships
- Topic: Keeping in Touch
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2830
I know it's been a little overwhelming for me Raffles, to have lots of platonic chums who I could connect with remotely, but just because the world stops it doesn't mean our anxiety always does, so the excessive amount of opportunity there is can be a bit of a challenge! It can be good to just take ...
- by Jacob
- Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:11 am
- Forum: Ask Us!
- Topic: survivor help
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1768
Hi Dani! I don't think you've traumatised him at all! We do I think, share in our partners problems a little, but sharing in unknown pasts and futures is also a choice that we enter into when we begin a relationship with or have sex with another person. It's not the same as having a traumatic experi...
- by Jacob
- Tue Apr 14, 2020 9:04 am
- Forum: Ask Us!
- Topic: Extreme Anxiety about a lie I told!!!!
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1962
Hi Lolgal! I think your friend is very correct, that this particular thing wouldn't seem bad to most people. Plenty of people say "they're not my dad" about a person who has done them and their loved ones harm. If it felt like one small thing that would help you survive, then I'm glad you ...
- by Jacob
- Sun Apr 12, 2020 10:42 am
- Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
- Topic: Struggling with dating apps
- Replies: 37
- Views: 10853
Sounds like quitting for now is a good choice. Honestly, dating apps are private companies with closed code, so nobody really knows how they work and their settings probably change all the time too, or if they 'demote' people's profiles for poor behaviour - I doubt it. You might just have to use you...
- by Jacob
- Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:48 am
- Forum: Abuse & Assault
- Topic: maybe sexually abusive ex gf ?
- Replies: 3
- Views: 5580
I'm so sorry this happened alligatoralley! You have every reason to feel pain around it... Absolutely it can happen that our bodies can show the signs of arousal and stimulation even when the overall situation is something we're strongly against, and are deeply unhappy with and a painful experience ...
- by Jacob
- Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:41 am
- Forum: Ask Us!
- Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3216
I'm glad you had what felt like a good chat!
I don't imagine you needed to apologise. Sometimes stating your needs is the thing that makes those sorts of conversations more possible.
Did you talk about the fact he was inviting your round during a pandemic?
- by Jacob
- Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:39 am
- Forum: Relationships
- Topic: Butterfly feelings
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2450
Interesting! It might be your therapist felt it that whole time, or perhaps means something different to what I mean. For me it feels like a form of nervousness mixed with excitement and attraction. It's not an unpleasant nervousness, not dissimilar to the feeling of jumping into a cold pool, exciti...
- by Jacob
- Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:08 am
- Forum: Relationships
- Topic: Butterfly feelings
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2450
Zoia asked this in another thread but it actually feels like an interesting topic to talk about generally. Hence this is new discussion topic! Is 'butterflies' or feeling 'butterflies in my stomach' when you are around a crush, new partner or even long-standing partner something that people can rela...
- by Jacob
- Fri Apr 10, 2020 3:28 am
- Forum: Ask Us!
- Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3216
my friends/family life is okay :) i feel pretty connected to everyone still through zoom calls and facetime, i’m currently quarantined with my roommate who happens to be one of my closest friends so thankfully i’m not in a bad situation! That's awesome! I think crisis doesn't necessarily bring out ...
- by Jacob
- Thu Apr 09, 2020 7:12 am
- Forum: Ask Us!
- Topic: Kink fail :(
- Replies: 7
- Views: 2603
Hi sky! I wonder if part of what Heather is saying about 'Kink' not being the best framework for talking about sexuality and desire, could be a helpful thing for you to dig into more! So instead of a our desires being described as kinks... like a fixed continuous thing we 'have', or a condition whic...
- by Jacob
- Thu Apr 09, 2020 6:44 am
- Forum: Ask Us!
- Topic: relationship advice, kind of long, sorry!
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3216
Hi avaiara! It's nice to hear from you! Reading you write about this situation it sounds like, recently, he hasn't been a good person for you, at least in communication style (or lack thereof!) to be in contact with in your more recent attempts to interact with him. I understand that this is a stres...
- by Jacob
- Wed Apr 08, 2020 7:22 am
- Forum: Relationships
- Topic: My crush
- Replies: 2
- Views: 2241
Returning to this thread after speaking to Heather to make sure I'm also settting that firm limit regarding overstepping our user guidelines in your posts. Again, I'd encourage you to contact Plavi Telefon to talk about suicide and access whatever you can on that front. I'll be locking this thread a...
- by Jacob
- Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:51 am
- Forum: Gender
- Topic: Binding
- Replies: 8
- Views: 6723
I'm sorry someone said that sky! Honestly, nobody can tell us who we are, whether that's gender or any other part of our identity. "You're not [x] and you just need to be the best [y] you can be" just sounds like a formula for denying people the right to explore their own selves. What can ...
- by Jacob
- Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:40 am
- Forum: Ask Us!
- Topic: Pictures
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1525
Hi ailurophiledork, I don't think you have anything to feel ashamed of! There's nothing wrong with trusting a friend you probably cared about, it's their fault and their problem that they betrayed that trust. It's a terrifying experience to feel your social circle, people who might have been friends...
- by Jacob
- Wed Apr 08, 2020 6:01 am
- Forum: Abuse & Assault
- Topic: Please answer
- Replies: 3
- Views: 5298
As in my other post, I am only here briefly, but what I'll say here that I completely disagree with your therapist. Of course i wasn't in the room during your conversation but my understanding of consent is that it's something you engage in to strive for a decent level of mutual understanding and mu...
- by Jacob
- Wed Apr 08, 2020 5:56 am
- Forum: Relationships
- Topic: My crush
- Replies: 2
- Views: 2241
I'm only here briefly and can't give an in depth answer, but I want to say I'm so sad you're feeling this way about yourself right now! Now is an especially hard time for most of us to keep and enjoy positive connections with folks at a long distance, and that can really impact our deeper feelings a...
- by Jacob
- Wed Apr 08, 2020 5:44 am
- Forum: Abuse & Assault
- Topic: Please answer
- Replies: 3
- Views: 5298
I'm just working through approved posts right now so I am posting your message from a separate new topic here:
I don't think I said yes but if I did I didn't really want it and he knew i didn't,that is,if I said yes,which I'm 90% sure I didn't
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