Search found 7180 matches

by Heather
Wed Jul 07, 2021 2:43 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: I don't know what to do
Replies: 49
Views: 992

Re: I don't know what to do

Jenny: Before you added this, I had initially responded differently. I left that response at the end of this one for you. I'm very sorry that you're feeling so bad about your pacing with your romantic and sexual experience. I absolutely understand how that can be painful: I've heard from a lot of pe...
by Heather
Wed Jul 07, 2021 2:15 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Friendship and Boundaries
Replies: 15
Views: 399

Re: Friendship and Boundaries

This sounds like a LOT to be carrying around and trying to sort through. It also sounds like you feel really burdened by it, and I'm so sorry about that. I totally understand how assault can really spin your head around relationships, all of them, any of them, and I also get how some of the dynamics...
by Heather
Wed Jul 07, 2021 1:56 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: I don't know what to do
Replies: 49
Views: 992

Re: I don't know what to do

Stepping to the side of this issue, and what you see as a barrier, with your sister for the moment, it may also be that your current friends aren't the right dating pool for you right now, including because you clearly don't feel like they are, and because that's a circle that includes your sister, ...
by Heather
Wed Jul 07, 2021 8:02 am
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Fingering how-to?
Replies: 2
Views: 447

Re: Fingering how-to?

Hey there, Hel. The thing is, there's no one "how to" for any of this that's universal, especially once you've got things like specific health conditions like this involved. And in your case, it literally sounds like your condition may make it so that, so far, this particular activity is g...
by Heather
Wed Jul 07, 2021 7:52 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: I don't know what to do
Replies: 49
Views: 992

Re: I don't know what to do

Hey there, Jenny. I'm sorry that you're feeling so lonely and so isolated. I think one tricky part in this is that I'm hearing a lot about what you want and need for yourself, but the thing is that once there's another person in this mix, they're going to come to this with wants and needs, too. So, ...
by Heather
Wed Jul 07, 2021 7:45 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Friendship and Boundaries
Replies: 15
Views: 399

Re: Friendship and Boundaries

Hey there. Glad to hear the talk went well. By all means, he can be doing nothing wrong, but you can still be feeling uncomfortable: both of those things can be true! In terms of how someone can consider someone very important in a given period of time, there really is no one period of time for that...
by Heather
Mon Jul 05, 2021 7:57 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Friendship and Boundaries
Replies: 15
Views: 399

Re: Friendship and Boundaries

I'm happy to have been able to help. You know where to find us if you need more help with this or anything else, or want to talk. :). I hope that your talk goes well!
by Heather
Sun Jul 04, 2021 12:07 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Friendship and Boundaries
Replies: 15
Views: 399

Re: Friendship and Boundaries

Since you have made clear you’re not interested and only want to be friends, I feel like you asking for details about his non-platonic feelings sends a very mixed message about that, you know? It also feels a little like an emotional violation to me: asking him to talk to you about that when you’re ...
by Heather
Sun Jul 04, 2021 11:13 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Friendship and Boundaries
Replies: 15
Views: 399

Re: Friendship and Boundaries

I can understand all of this. I don't actually think that there's anything wrong with having boundaries around fears -- in other words, I think boundaries around concerns AND fears are both equally valid. How might you feel about starting with one boundary, which is that you aren't comfortable being...
by Heather
Sun Jul 04, 2021 9:22 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Sandpiper! I am just now reading this, and I am so thrilled and delighted for you! I know there are still some anxieties and some confusions and ups and downs, but there is so much good stuff in here, and on the whole, this all sounds so good, and so much like things are set on a better direction fo...
by Heather
Sun Jul 04, 2021 9:16 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Friendship and Boundaries
Replies: 15
Views: 399

Re: Friendship and Boundaries

Hey there, tinygoblin. I read and hear all of this, and I am witnessing you in all of it. I also can certainly understanding feeling overwhelmed and pretty lost, in a lot of ways, around a lot of parts of this. If I put myself in your shoes, I think the thing that would have me feeling the most corn...
by Heather
Thu Jul 01, 2021 11:19 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: I want a casual relationship but everyone else is so serious
Replies: 5
Views: 492

Re: I want a casual relationship but everyone else is so serious

By the way, I felt a lot like this, especially in my junior and senior year, the gap year I took and then my first semester or so of college. I also felt that way before then, but something serious came my way when I was fifteen that I did get invested in deeply and then really threw me for a loop. ...
by Heather
Thu Jul 01, 2021 8:25 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Clit problems
Replies: 10
Views: 6755

Re: Clit problems

Hey there. I can understand you feeling worried: it’s disconcerting when we stop feeling a part of our bodies! But I’m actually not seeing any cause for concern here. You can’t hurt the nerve endings in your clitoris by rubbing them or rub them literally out. That just isn’t something you have to wo...
by Heather
Sun Jun 27, 2021 8:35 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: wanna ask something
Replies: 3
Views: 535

Re: wanna ask something

It’s okay: if those haven’t been your own experiences, or you haven’t yet been close to or talked intimately with someone whose life experiences they have been, it’s easy to see how you might not realize that. Our world really normalizes sexual violence, the doing of it, especially, yet still silenc...
by Heather
Sat Jun 26, 2021 11:02 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: wanna ask something
Replies: 3
Views: 535

Re: wanna ask something

Hi there, six6. I want to be sure, before I answer this, that you were sure to read the user agreement you agreed to when you registered. If not, here's a link to it so that you can again. As you'll see in it, we don't guarantee we will answer every question, and reserve the right not to answer some...
by Heather
Mon Jun 21, 2021 1:13 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Glad to be here for you in this!
by Heather
Mon Jun 21, 2021 1:11 pm
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Uhhh I don't know what to call this
Replies: 3
Views: 983

Re: Uhhh I don't know what to call this

If that's the case -- if your parents would literally do either of you some sort of harm -- then the only sound answer is not to do this thing that is a choice to do and that you can easily not do. Part of making sound sexual choices is making choices that are healthy for us in all of the ways, incl...
by Heather
Sun Jun 20, 2021 8:40 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

I think Siân got you started with some good stuff here, but I want to add one more thing. It sounds like a LOT of your sexual life has been focused on your partner's wants and needs. It also sounds like a lot of it has centered his pleasure more than yours, it really does. So, it may well be that he...
by Heather
Mon Jun 14, 2021 8:57 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Letting go can absolutely be the hardest thing, and for sure, it's a very different thing, letting go and still being present, than say, dissociating or compartmentalizing. Good luck with it! I'll be right there trying with you!
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:51 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

It really is my pleasure. I have my own challenges with letting go (as a Buddhist, attachment has definitely been my biggest challenge, even after working on it over decades!), so I can relate. I really like the sound of this direction for you. “Try less” also sounds really healing to me — so often ...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:23 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Reading more in your first big response, I have another reading suggestion to add to Angela Chen's "Ace," which I still think would be a good one for you. I still need to get more time with it myself, but I've seen enough to be pretty clear that Devon Price's "Laziness Does Not Exist&...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:19 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

I agree with you, that trying to float with the sure-why-nots that feel about curiosity are a way to go, as are trying to steer clear of any that come from places that don't tend to be sources of good stuff: pressure to perform (personally, culturally), obligation, fear of not conforming or of not m...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:07 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

More on the other stuff in a second, but first:

What if letting it go IS “getting it done?”

Just consider it. ;)
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:39 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

I wanted to plop this one in a separate post: The Ultimate Guide book raised an interesting idea about some pre-orgasmic women subconsciously feeling unable to "let go" to experience orgasm because they feel so much pressure and that everything else is so out of their control, that the one...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:30 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 95
Views: 21100

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Yes, I am 300% with you. In fact, I am so, so glad to have heard your critical reactions to this, eespecially this: Intellectually, I feel like I'm doing really great inner work and making really great progress with my partner, with both of us expanding our understanding of sex and sexuality and all...

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