I just tried reading all of this through and holy shit it was painful… I couldn’t do it. I’m really in so much constant hurt and denial. Wow. It’s been a longgggg few months and I’ve made literally no progress with this. It’s like I’m spending all this money and this time and Im not getting anywhere...

Thank you for even still talking to me after I was a super asshole to you. I appreciate it. I was so worried I hurt your feelings

Not corny, thank you <3

I don’t have the courage I’m terrified

Yeah they are all a far Uber away or when I called them weren’t accepting new patients or the voicemail box was full. I emailed all of them and heard nothing back. I looked even more and I can’t find anyone else. I feel stuck and I’m honestly pissed off (not at you guys) just at the fact that someon...

I can’t find a therapist close enough for an Uber ride I can afford that’s accepting new patients. So it looks like I stuck with my current one or I’m not in therapy at all.. that’s my options

I honestly just feel so damn lost. I don’t know anymore..

Thank you. I appreciate you.

Well that’s embarrassing..

I don’t know how to make myself feel like it’s okay to get better. I feel like I’m not worth it and I don’t know how to feel worthy of anything. I’ve amounted myself to nothing my whole life and I don’t know how to be anything. I just am so sad and I’m so scared to get better because I’ve never been...

Also reducing myself down to a vagina and setting myself up for sex/sexual things/abuse when I don’t want any of those things I don’t know how to even talk about that. It sounds so stupid when I say it but it feels so real to me.. it’s so all consuming.

Hey so, After a chat with heather today, I thought a lot and I decided I’m going to take my mental health serious and try my best to work in therapy (with a new therapist, I emailed them but I’m gonna call tomorrow if I’m up to it) because my loneliness isn’t going to be solved by someone else, it h...

I went online again last night to only find friends I gave myself a time frame and I told myself I wouldn’t talk sexual, I went to look for men in hopes that maybe it would make me feel better about my masculinity? I met a guy and he asked what I was looking for and I said friends and intimacy but n...

What she said about my kinks isn’t appropriate either??

I’m so sorry to hear you have it too!! Same for you! It’s not very mild, I’m super sick :( I really appreciate you sharing! I am so torn because I love my therapist she’s so nice and I’m so super comfortable with her but she makes these off hand comments sometimes that I just can’t get behind. She s...

I’m sorry there’s so much in moderation right now. I set boundaries with myself and I’m gonna hop on chat tomorrow heather if you’re running it because I wanna talk about therapy because there’s some new information..

I deleted all of the apps. I don’t have the time or energy. Especially now with covid I have extra less energy. I don’t know how I’m supposed to find a girl now. Maybe she’ll come into my work and we’ll fall in love. Lol who knows but it’s only hurting me being on these apps. Especially with the con...

My kinks aren’t sexual though. I mean yes I think they are hot but it’s not something that I want in order to be sexual. Does that make sense? I get what you’re saying but do you get what I mean too? My therapist told me my kinks are harmful and borderline abuse and I didn’t feel like she was kink s...

I’m just so lonely :( I’m lonely in a room full of people and now I’m stuck inside a room actually alone for 4 more days. I’m addicted to the apps I’m literally addicted and it’s concerning and my therapist doesn’t seem to recognize how bad it is because she doesn’t know me well enough yet. I am sle...

I know I could do that but I feel Iike I’d find no one and be alone forever. I also want to act on my kinks in a non sexual way, they aren’t sexual. Like things like hitting me etc that’s not sexual, so I think it’s okay to act on it/ask for it? Okay I’ll look on aven when I have more energy. I’ve n...

Also, my lonely has literally amplified since I got sick. So I’ve been talking to people and they ask me my kinks and I am honest and then I get blocked shortly after.. makes me feel like I’m dirty or something. All of my desires are aggression towards me it’s nothing crazy it’s just me wanting to b...

Also, I am ready to find the person! I’m just not ready to have sex. I do wanna have sex but once I’m in a relationship and it’s a step we decide to take together to get closer not just a thing we do as a chore because one of us or both of us is horny. If that makes sense

Most of chat was talking about how shitty everything is because I just found out I have covid. :( Sam sent me a thing of intimacy but I wanted something a little bit more close then that, that’s not like foreplay or something like that. Also is it a hot take to say “relationships lead to sex?” Becau...

Never mind I guess. She doesn’t wanna do any of that with me anymore because “relationships lead to sex” and I’m not comfortable with sex right now (she’s trans). She’s not comfortable either she literally told me she hates her genitalia but now shes frustrated I won’t have sex with her. Where is th...

Also preferably nothing where I would have to be naked either, like a shower with said person is out of the question