Search found 893 matches

by Jacob
Fri Nov 17, 2023 11:04 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Sex life ruined because I don't know my sexuality
Replies: 10
Views: 9573

Re: Sex life ruined because I don't know my sexuality

Also tacking on, with at least my take on the "how on earth am I meant to work with that if that is true?" question: Essentially, when coming up against parts of our sexuality which might feel contradictory either within ourselves or within a given relationship, I think it pays to tune int...
by Jacob
Wed Nov 15, 2023 12:29 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Conflict with Coming Out and with my Mother
Replies: 5
Views: 4618

Re: Conflict with Coming Out and with my Mother

No worries! I'm glad we could help make this hopefully a bit more doable!
by Jacob
Wed Nov 15, 2023 8:44 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Conflict with Coming Out and with my Mother
Replies: 5
Views: 4618

Re: Conflict with Coming Out and with my Mother

Yikes! I am so familiar with the "parent walks into your room completely unexpectedly and starts offloading" and the "parent nonchalantly initiates a conversation while driving, knowing you can't leave" situations. I feel like you 99% have told your mom you're trans in all but us...
by Jacob
Wed Nov 15, 2023 8:20 am
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: How do I have a orgasm without touching myself?
Replies: 10
Views: 13786

Re: How do I have a orgasm without touching myself?

"Natural"! Well now, ain't that a word! Firstly, thank you for taking time to read my answer to you last month. I think your response, where you spoke about how the issues you're having might overlap with your OCD, is going to continue to be helpful for you. Your description of an orgasm a...
by Jacob
Wed Nov 15, 2023 6:50 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: difference between banter and insult?
Replies: 1
Views: 3199

Re: difference between banter and insult?

Hey Paul, welcome! This is a really-really good question. I would say that insults are any words said to a person that state or imply something negative, mocking or hurtful about that person. Banter on the other hand is a longer interaction that contains insults, but also other ingredients. Not all ...
by Jacob
Wed Oct 18, 2023 8:51 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Why can't I feel?
Replies: 1
Views: 7290

Re: Why can't I feel?

Hey maroonteen - loving the choice of username by the way! I'm not sure I have a complete answer but maybe we could start by taking off the pressure around what you are supposed to do and maybe contemplate what you might be getting from revisiting sexual content and thoughts... and where the disappo...
by Jacob
Wed Oct 18, 2023 8:13 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: i feel abit guilty about what i did
Replies: 3
Views: 7442

Re: i feel abit guilty about what i did

Hey Cat! It feels like just living in this world can play havoc on our mental health sometimes! I'd say that those of us who care about our friends, and who have a propensity for anxiety and who are aware of the fact we all can cause harm, can very easily spiral into anxiety and fixation on the idea...
by Jacob
Wed Oct 18, 2023 7:48 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Vent/advise about sexual shame
Replies: 11
Views: 11629

Re: Vent/advise about sexual shame

Just to also add; thank you for speaking about this with us! This is a very vulnerable part of yourself and I think doing more of what you're already doing, is going to be super helpful to you moving forward.
by Jacob
Wed Oct 18, 2023 7:46 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Vent/advise about sexual shame
Replies: 11
Views: 11629

Re: Vent/advise about sexual shame

Hey qg21tfio, So first of all I want to send my heart out to you as this stuff is not easy! It sounds like your early experience, with your dad's reaction had a really big impact on you. It also sounds like the resulting shame and desire to stamp out one part of yourself has taken up a lot of your e...
by Jacob
Wed Oct 11, 2023 10:30 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Putting a tampon in for the first time
Replies: 3
Views: 1207

Re: Putting a tampon in for the first time

Hey LesbianGoblin! Just want to say good job on trying something out just to see if it works for you. I think that's a good habit to get into. With the idea of how much your body "can take", I think maybe we don't have to be pushing any part of ourselves right to that edge of what we can t...
by Jacob
Wed Oct 11, 2023 6:15 am
Forum: Bodies
Topic: Trimming Down There
Replies: 3
Views: 2753

Re: Trimming Down There

I have found lyocel boxers suuuuper comfy and they have a silky texture which at least anecdotally does seem to reduce friction for me... however it can be kind of pricey. I think the way I would approach this would be to head to the shops and just physically feel the different fabrics available and...
by Jacob
Wed Oct 04, 2023 4:15 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My roommate smells bad
Replies: 2
Views: 2117

Re: My roommate smells bad

Hey eveningprimrose, Your professor's suggestion can be a useful way-in to some difficult conversations, but I'd also caution that if the initial question is just a pretext to ask them to wear deodorant, it might come across as underhanded, which could make the rest of the conversation even more dif...
by Jacob
Tue Oct 03, 2023 6:25 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: did i almost ejaculate?
Replies: 9
Views: 2807

Re: did i almost ejaculate?

Hi Silly, Glad you had a great time. I don't really think we can advise on the specifics but it sounds like the "squeezing out" feeling may have been the the general pelvic area swelling due to stimulation, in which case, in all likelihood, if you do the same thing again the outcome is lik...
by Jacob
Mon Sep 18, 2023 6:43 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Crush paranoia?
Replies: 9
Views: 3345

Re: Crush paranoia?

Super glad that Amanda's mindfulness suggestion sounds like it could help! I think the versions of mindfulness I've most appreciated are ones which emphasize compassion and self-compassion. So that even an unexpected troubling thought is treated with care and we don't beat ourselves up for having ha...
by Jacob
Mon Sep 18, 2023 6:19 am
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Masterbation doesn't feel wonderful to me.
Replies: 17
Views: 19872

Re: Masterbation doesn't feel wonderful to me.

Hey Rachel 1, I'm so sorry you've found yourself down this path, it sounds pretty upsetting and frustrating. Especially the stress cycle around interrogating how good you think it should feel compared to how good is seemingly doesn't feel. My take here really is that masturbation really is about exp...
by Jacob
Fri Sep 15, 2023 12:37 pm
Forum: Supporting Each Other
Topic: New-school-year self care
Replies: 3
Views: 4860

Re: New-school-year self care

I don't know if I do anything special, but I feel like any kind of clean slate beit a new job, a new school, a new hobby brings it's own joys to me. So many simple pleasures to be had: Concluding which pocket of my bagpack the pencil case goes in - yes! Carefully customising a new notebook - lovely!...
by Jacob
Thu Sep 14, 2023 4:48 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: is it bad that i blocked her?
Replies: 4
Views: 919

Re: is it bad that i blocked her?

Good to know they were deleted! Shame or self-blame isn't a particularly easy thing to tell yourself not to do, because honestly it comes from a deeper place than just outwardly choosing not to. It's like telling yourself not to hiccup, the feeling still rises up and the thing happens again. Really ...
by Jacob
Thu Sep 14, 2023 5:17 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: is it bad that i blocked her?
Replies: 4
Views: 919

Re: is it bad that i blocked her?

Just to add, I looked up the app that you mentioned and it looks like there are some serious concerns over its safety, so I'd probably avoid it in future!
by Jacob
Thu Sep 14, 2023 5:05 am
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: advice on getting into sexting?
Replies: 5
Views: 4620

Re: advice on getting into sexting?

Hi alriune! I don't think there's any platforms for that which we can vouch for, but I totally get it! Online spaces in many cases do provide ways to be creative with your sexuality and fantasy play, without as much of the physical risk that anonymous meetups, for example, might pose. On the other h...
by Jacob
Thu Sep 14, 2023 4:07 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: is it bad that i blocked her?
Replies: 4
Views: 919

Re: is it bad that i blocked her?

I think this is a pretty clear-cut case of someone pushing you to do something you didn't want to do and you holding your boundaries. Which isn't easy to do, so well done! Blocking someone is also something that you're completely in your rights to do whenever, to whoever. There are plenty of situati...
by Jacob
Wed Sep 13, 2023 1:19 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: my partner is ace and im not and im not sure what to do
Replies: 55
Views: 116897

Re: my partner is ace and im not and im not sure what to do

Stuff definitely happens! It sounds like you're getting there. I think three things to get used to are 1 - sometimes we make good decisions that still upset other people and that's ok, 2 - we have permission to go back on what we have said and 3 - many of our valued relationships will end in some wa...
by Jacob
Wed Sep 13, 2023 11:47 am
Forum: Abuse & Assault
Topic: my brain seems to "glorify" abuse
Replies: 1
Views: 5688

Re: my brain seems to "glorify" abuse

Hi lb07, I'm so sorry that you are having to process things from when you were 3. Thoughts like the ones you describe are actually pretty common for survivors of abuse. For some of us, putting ourselves in the position of of hypothetically wanting the fantasy version of something bad, it can feel li...
by Jacob
Tue Sep 12, 2023 7:50 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: my partner is ace and im not and im not sure what to do
Replies: 55
Views: 116897

Re: my partner is ace and im not and im not sure what to do

I think of weathering a breakup like this (friend-break-up or otherwise) like it's raining acid (and FIRE), it's terrible, it hurts and you can run around getting hurt more, trying to convince the weather to be cool imagining you have the power to coax it - OR, you can take shelter, tend to your saf...
by Jacob
Tue Sep 12, 2023 7:46 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: my partner is ace and im not and im not sure what to do
Replies: 55
Views: 116897

Re: my partner is ace and im not and im not sure what to do

Hi Silly! It sounds like this person is making things so much harder for you than they need to be, and I'm so sorry they left you in tears. That's so often how it goes. I want to reiterate what Heather said about trusting your self, and valuing your right to be free of the pressure they're putting y...

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