Scarleteen Boards

Hi catsaregreat, It does sound like the overall dynamic with sex between you two isn't a great one; you feel like things are uneven and like you're not enjoying yourself, and they don't want to engage in the sexual things you actually do like. So I agree with you that ending the sexual element of th...

Hi CrazyBonobo, The tricky thing when we're talking about desire and attraction is that it's one of those things where there are a bunch of factors that likely contribute to it; our experiences, the messages we get from culture and media, the people we're exposed to, etc. And there's also the fact t...

Hi florence23, You know, one period product isn't necessarily easier to use than another; that's one of those things where the ease of using it depends entirely on the individual person and their body. So, in your case, if nothing you're doing --not lube or position or tampon size--is making the pro...

Hi MindfulGoldfish, This sounds like a really scary moment, and I'm sorry you had to deal with it. And I hear you on that fear that if you tell people or ask for help, you'll be dismissed because they don't perceive the situation as anything to be worried about. It's very considerate of you to be th...

Got it. What if, as a first step, you sent him a pretty basic message saying that you miss spending time with him and would like to hang out. If you've already moved, that hangout might have to take the form of a call or something like that, but it would still give you two the chance to reconnect an...

You're very welcome!

You know, it's totally okay to not have masturbated much (or at all, for that matter)! We each get to know and be comfortable with our bodies at our own pace. When it comes to that anxiety you feel, when you try to masturbate does it latch onto a particular topic, like feelings about your body or th...

Ah, okay, thank you for clarifying that. In your initial post, you mention missing him. If he's still in your life and you feel like the crush is in the past, is there something in particular that's getting in the way of connecting with him?

Okay! This series is a great starting place:
The Answers (for Now)

Got it. There are a few different ways you could approach this, and they depend on what you feel would be the way to help those feelings subside. Do you think time is enough on it's own to let the crush fade? Or are you getting the sense that in order for it to go away, you might need to interact wi...

Glad to hear you're seeking out support for the compulsive behavior, that's a great step in taking care of yourself! And yes, saying you notice dryness or other discomfort could be a good way of explaining what's going on to your mom. If you felt comfortable doing so, you could also just say you've ...

You're welcome! And yes, I'd say being patient with yourself and with your emotions is the way to go. Although, if you notice the anxiety is linked to a particular thing, or like it's staying with you no matter what else is going on in your life, that might signal that there's something else that ne...

Hi strawberry-pie, This kind of situation can be so frustrating! Although, as our boards demonstrate, it's a lot more common than people might think. In your case, it doe sound like anxiety may be playing a role; stress is one of the big barriers to arousal and pleasure, so if we're feeling a lot of...

Hi sparklingstar, Some people can and do experience mood swings around the time of ovulation because of the hormonal fluctuation involved. But how we emotionally and psychologically experience ovulation, or any phase in our menstrual cycle varies not only from person to person but for a given person...

Hi carrotcake122,

Is this someone who's still in your life to some degree but you can't, or don't want to, pursue your crush on? Or did this friend leave your life entirely sometime in the recent past?

Got it. If you notice it's not improving or is in fact getting worse, or there start to be other symptoms like pain, that would be a time to prioritize getting care. If you want to ask your mom about getting it looked at now or in the next few days, we can certainly talk about how to have that conve...

Okay, with that in mind, one of my recommendations is to take some time to figure out what things bring you pleasure more generally. Those could be things that are mainly sensory, like smells, tastes, touches, etc, or they could be things that help you feel relaxed and happy mentally. I suggest that...

Ah, I see. That could still be an instance where a sex toy could be helpful, if only because it can introduce some new or more intense stimulation into the mix. Up until the point when the numbness kicks in, would you say you're getting a lot of pleasure out of it? I ask because it may also help to ...

Got it. So, some of this may just be about patience and learning what things do and don't keep your brain engaged or bring pleasure to your body. Masturbation varies from person to person, and some people do have to experiment a bit more to find the kinds of stimulation that feel best for their body...

Hi PleaseHelpAsap, Thank you for those extra details! When you've masturbated in the past, would you say your brain is usually pretty engaged in, and aroused by, what's going on? That could be by a fantasy, by your partner, a piece of sexual media, etc. Or do you find your mind tends to wander or mo...

Hi Mari, I do want to add in here that crushes, even mild ones, tend to be a pretty obvious set of feelings when we're experiencing them. We generally aren't having to hunt for evidence of them; the evidence tends to come to us in the form of our emotions when we're around or thinking about that per...

Hi rn, So, with any body part, if it's swollen and that swelling isn't going away, especially after several days, the next step is to check in with a healthcare provider to see what's going on and if there's any underlying issue that needs addressing. Do you know how to access that kind of care wher...

Hi Mari, It sounds like you're being proactive about finding a therapist who's a good fit, which is great! I do think that either with your current therapist or your next one, it'd be worth talking about the fact your anxiety keeps locking onto romantic or sexual topics, because that's a useful patt...

Hi dontaskneverask, There are a few things about this situation that are worth some consideration. The first is that, while we can certainly talk about how to raise the idea of a sexual relationship--including a casual one--with a friend, there's nothing we, or you, can guarantee how he'll feel or h...

Hi Mari, That sounds really stressful and tiring! I think one helpful starting place would be to see if you can work out why you feel like having a crush is something that would be cause for worry in the first place. Because right now it sounds like your anxiety is acting up at the thought of you po...