Hi Jrjamwswright74, Since a condom was used for all of oral sex, I would go ahead and assume that you had the protection it offered from STIs; transfer of pre-ejaculate to the outside of a condom just doesn't seem to be a way STI transmission occurs. That being said, if STIs are a concern for you, i...

I'd add that there's also the fact that sperm also need the "push" that comes with ejaculation to be most effective, which is another reason why indirect transfer just isn't going to pose a risk.

Hi koh123, I'm sorry that engaging with these fantasies or sexual media has left you feeling this way, and that you're struggling to feel okay, or at least neutral, about the fact you consumed it. I think that a helpful question to start with is: when you read those things talking about how plenty o...

Okay! Here are a few to start with if you haven't already read them. Hello Sailor! How to Build, Board, and Navigate a Healthy Relationship] Supermodel: Creating and Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models Does Your Relationship Need a Check Up? I know we've spoken in previous posts about you st...

Would it be helpful to have some resources on how to build and navigate a healthy relationship, since being a good partner is built into that process? Too, if something you struggle with is self-worth, then tackling that may also help you feel more secure in relationships and in your actions overall...

Got it. I think it's sound to recognize that this is more about that deeper fear that you're being a bad partner without meaning to than it is about the specifics of this conversation. Too, to reiterate, it's really, really common and okay to talk about our relationships or our partners with our fri...

Hi Mika, I want to note that a fetish refers specifically to an object that someone needs in order to feel sexual gratification. This sounds more like you find it attractive when a person smokes, so referring to that as a preference or as something you like is a bit more accurate than calling it a f...

Hi Skybushh, You know, I don't actually think there's anything inherently wrong with needing to talk with other people about problems you're having with a partner. Sometimes we need a moment or two to vent, or to talk through something we're struggling with, and friends are people we can do that wit...

Hi dayedin, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough on the boards to ask about this! So, my biggest piece of advice around all this is that there isn't really a way to masturbate "wrong;" there are just the ways that feel best to your body. Too, you're also doing the main thing we recommend w...

Hi GenderGay, It's entirely possible autism and sensory needs are playing a role here! I know I've spoken with people before who find the feeling of their genitals unpleasant, and in some cases that's been because it's just not a good sensory experience for them in ways that seem to be tied to autis...

Hi Dhruval, I do want to point out that unless she's tracking her cycle consistently and with things like basal body temperature and cervical mucous, her knowledge of where she is in her cycle is probably pretty limited (since a lot of cycle tracker apps don't ask for all the relevant information). ...

How strange! Here's what I wrote: "Got it. We can't say for certain what's behind this, but it sounds like it may just be part of how your body responds to the exertion and other physical changes that come with masturbation and arousal. As frustrating as it may be, this may be one of those inst...

We're so excited to have nurse and comedian Kelli Dunham answering advice column questions for us! https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identit ... -about-hrt

Hi Human Guy,

To make sure I'm understanding you correctly, do you mean you're not noticing any ejaculate or pre-ejaculate, even if you orgasm? In other words, is it that your penis is not producing any liquid at all when you masturbate?

You're very welcome!

Hi Suomi, If I recall correctly, I think we talked about ways you could safely explore this fantasy in a past thread. I do have to say that, while Latha made a sound point about harm reduction, from a safety standpoint, we can't recommend that you actually do anything that would involve cutting the ...

Hi naurmi008,

I think it's really sound to have recognized that religious messaging is playing a role here! One really good starting place for addressing pregnancy fears that come from religion is this piece from our Impurity Culture series: Pregnancy and Fear

Hi Kitties774, From the sound of it, it seems like if you wanted to ask your mom for help getting a sex toy, the conversation would be awkward but survivable. She seems to be pretty supportive of you being able to learn about sex and your own body on your own terms, and like she's fairly sex positiv...

Got it. We can't say for certain what's behind this, but it sounds like it may just be part of how your body responds to the exertion and other physical changes that come with masturbation and arousal. As frustrating as it may be, this may be one of those instances where when this happens, if it's t...

Hi Fullcloser, In addition to what Willa said, I want to point out that, at this point, basically any sex toy or similar item is going to come with instructions on how to use it safely. So when or if you do start trying out different items, you have a pretty straightforward way to make sure you're u...

Okay! I'm going to start by giving you some resources on those, and then we can talk more if you have any questions or thoughts on the pieces I share. Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound, Sexual Choices How to Understand, Identify, and Make Choices about Desire Too, when doing a...

Hi Suomi, I'm sorry that these fantasies are continuing to cause you such distress. I want to start by saying that your fantasies don't make you a terrible person. Our fantasies exist inside our minds and our minds alone; they can't do anyone any harm (or any good, for that matter) unless we act on ...

Hi Kittylemon,

If it would be helpful, we can talk about how to do risk and boundary evaluation around sexual things, because that's what this would ultimately entail if you wanted to explore any of these fantasies, or elements of them, with a partner.

If this is how your erections have always been, and it's not causing you pain, then in all likelihood this is a quirk of your body rather than something to be concerned about. If you wanted to be certain it was or wasn't part of another condition, that would be a question for a healthcare provider. ...

Hi PleaseHelpAsap, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough talking about these things here! I will say that at this point, I think we've offered the realistic approaches to this that are out there. I do think that taking a break, full stop, from trying to masturbate for a bit is probably the one to sta...