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by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 12:20 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

I think there re a few approaches to those responses from your parents. If they say something like "please consider it" you can say, "okay, I will" while knowing that the real answer is "I will consider it for two seconds and then do what I think is best for me." For th...
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 11:21 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

I'm glad that strategy and workbooks have been helpful! One additional approach, one I use when I notice myself starting to worry bout things that are way, way off in the future and my never even happen, is to stop and think about where the worry is coming from. Is it coming from something going on ...
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 10:48 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

Okay, so it sounds like the more you can remind yourself that it's not a binary choice between app and in-person dating the better you might feel, yeah? I wonder with your parents, what if you focused less on convincing them of the nuances of things like your dating preferences and more on getting y...
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 8:10 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

I'm going to answer the simplest question first: if you want to keep the app for now, keep the app. Even if it doesn't feel like the most rational decision, making a decisions one way or the other might remove it as a stressor for the time being. With communicating with your parents, I wonder if it ...
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:38 am
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Painful Masturbation
Replies: 1
Views: 17

Re: Painful Masturbation

Hi Erikabuckland,

Masturbation can be painful or uncomfortable for a number of reasons, but the most common ones are not using enough lube, being tense or anxious, or not being quite aroused enough for insertion of fingers to feel comfortable. Do any of those sound like they apply to you?
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:28 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Fingering Precum Pregnancy?
Replies: 1
Views: 26

Re: Fingering Precum Pregnancy?

Hi pace3473, So, what you and she are worried about are not ways that pregnancy happens. Sperm are fragile and need certain conditions in order to have a chance at creating a pregnancy, and they can't survive being moved around on hands or mouths. Given that, there's not a need for Plan B in this sc...
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:19 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: not sure if this was consensual?
Replies: 1
Views: 19

Re: not sure if this was consensual?

Hi ag13, That sounds like an upsetting incident, especially coming from someone you trusted, and I'm sorry it was something you went through. From what you're describing, it does sound like there was coercion involved (since she kept asking until you gave her the answer she wanted). Too, your mental...
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:13 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: To Trash or Not to Trash?
Replies: 1
Views: 35

Re: To Trash or Not to Trash?

Hi Digdawg,

Given that it was a fairly short amount of time and not an extreme temperature, the condoms are probably still fine to use. However, if you'd feel more comfortable pitching them and getting new ones, that's something you can do as well.
by Sam W
Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:05 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Not feeling good about myself
Replies: 7
Views: 95

Re: Not feeling good about myself

I'm glad to hear they weren't acting judgemental towards you, since that would have been majorly not okay. I wonder, would it help to remind yourself that most of us end up doing things in our lives (sexual or otherwise) that we never imagined we'd do? That doesn't automatically mean that those are ...
by Sam W
Sat Sep 26, 2020 10:19 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

With this particular crush, there really isn't much more you can do; I know we talked earlier in this thread about sending her a message just to see how she's doing, but after that all you can do is wait and see if she responds. And maybe generate reminder for yourself that you can refer back to whe...
by Sam W
Sat Sep 26, 2020 9:21 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

I'm sorry you're in such a rough place right now. If you're still having a hard time connecting with a counselor or therapist, it may also help to contact a more general mental health hotline or resource. Do you have one of those you use already? As far as your feelings about your crush, the way to ...
by Sam W
Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:03 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Not feeling good about myself
Replies: 7
Views: 95

Re: Not feeling good about myself

Hi Daisy, That worry does make a lot of sense, given the messages you grew up with. Did they do or say things to suggest they were judging you, or do you feel like that perception was coming mainly from your mind rather than their actions? I will say that, given that two of them were people you had ...
by Sam W
Fri Sep 25, 2020 10:02 am
Forum: Scarleteen Updates
Topic: How Do I Tell If Someone Is Into Me?
Replies: 0
Views: 37

How Do I Tell If Someone Is Into Me?

New from Douglas Laman in his series on dating while autistic: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/disa ... is_into_me
by Sam W
Fri Sep 25, 2020 7:04 am
Forum: Sexual Health
Topic: First ultrasound - advice?
Replies: 1
Views: 78

Re: First ultrasound - advice?

Hi sodabutt, Ooof, I can see how this would be anxiety inducing for you! There are a few different things you could try (and hopefully folks who've had a transvaginal ultrasound can chime in as well). For starters, if you haven't talked about it with them yet, I would tell the healthcare provider yo...
by Sam W
Thu Sep 24, 2020 8:01 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

I'm glad you're continuing to look for a counselor that can work with you. If you're working with your college, it may also help to check out what general resources their mental health center has for managing things like anxiety. They may also have some tools or resources they can refer you to for m...
by Sam W
Thu Sep 24, 2020 7:48 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Masturbation doesn't feel that good anymore (update)
Replies: 9
Views: 99

Re: Masturbation doesn't feel that good anymore (update)

Hi Sky H, It's awesome that you're been doing that work to experiment and unlearn some of that shame! But I can see how it'd be frustrating to feel like you've still lost some of that pleasure. Just to check, how is your overall mental and physical health? Are you on any medications? And have you ex...
by Sam W
Thu Sep 24, 2020 7:35 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Depo Provera shot
Replies: 3
Views: 85

Re: Depo Provera shot

I'm so sorry you had that experience with your doctor, that's really frustrating! Since you're not planning on continuing the pill, would you like to talk about alternate birth control methods? And since I'd highly recommend you find a new healthcare provider, if you need help with that process that...
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 3:42 pm
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Sex Hurts Really REALLY bad??
Replies: 11
Views: 137

Re: Sex Hurts Really REALLY bad??

You're welcome!
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 3:01 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

I think an easy re-frame to try over the next few days is to not view "learning experience" as meaning you need to do something to improve. True, sometimes what we learn from those experiences is that there are things bout ourselves or our actions that could use some changing. But just as ...
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 2:38 pm
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Sex Hurts Really REALLY bad??
Replies: 11
Views: 137

Re: Sex Hurts Really REALLY bad??

I think you've noticed some really important things about your own sexual response, which is awesome! If you're noticing that those lower pressure situations, ones where even if you don't know something is coming, you feel relaxed and aroused, something you two could try is to have times that are &q...
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 8:38 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

Okay, I would definitely report him to the mods if you noticed he's trying to coax minors into those conversations as well. Even if no nudes were involved, the mods will want to know that someone is making their forums unsafe in that manner, and will hopefully take steps to remedy the situation. It ...
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 8:27 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: The pill/ Mirena
Replies: 1
Views: 32

Re: The pill/ Mirena

Hi Alester, It's tricky to say when the bleeding will stop, since irregular bleeding or spotting (or frequent bleeding or spotting) is also a potential side effect of the IUD. So, it may just be a matter of waiting this out and seeing what happens and, if you start bleeding so much you become concer...
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 8:14 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Coming out as agender?
Replies: 21
Views: 2319

Re: Coming out as agender?

No need to apologize, it really is a downer of a situation and you deserve space to talk about it. Would it be helpful to just use this space to vent or process for a bit? Or would you like to keep brainstorming potential ways of addressing this situation?
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 7:46 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Awkwardness in a new relationship
Replies: 4
Views: 102

Re: Awkwardness in a new relationship

You're welcome! I think you could bring up the conversation about the relationship model in whatever time and way feels right to you based on the dynamic you two have. It may help to frame it less about finding a relationship model and more about just having a check-in with each other about what you...
by Sam W
Tue Sep 22, 2020 7:28 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.
Replies: 73
Views: 808

Re: My crush didn’t show up for a video chat ... now what to do.

I'm so sorry you had that interaction in that forum. Did you tell the mods or anyone else what happened? It's up to you how you proceed with that person, but I would lean towards blocking or otherwise ending your contact with them. Even if their situation is true, them having no friends doesn't mean...

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