Search found 7201 matches

by Heather
Wed Oct 20, 2021 9:46 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

I’m also CST. I can absolutely make that work. On that day, if you just come to the boards, the little icon you’re seeing in the right hand corner that’s gray now will be red and yellow then, and you can just click in. We can keep talking here if you want, or table our conversation until then, which...
by Heather
Wed Oct 20, 2021 6:49 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

That’s okay, those times aren’t great for me, either. I can work out a time that works better for both of us. Why don’t you toss me some days and times that work best for you and let’s find something that works for us both.
by Heather
Tue Oct 19, 2021 2:34 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

I'm heading out for the day, but I'll be back tomorrow if you want to talk about this some more, Jenny. I'd also be happy to set up a time that works for you to talk about this in our chat client in the event that talking about it on the boards has you feeling too exposed for any reason. Like I said...
by Heather
Tue Oct 19, 2021 12:57 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

They leave. Or they don't, and they get stuck. And some people repeat these dynamics with their kids and in their other relationships. Other people work hard -- often including therapy and other work -- to end the cycle and learn new ways of engaging in family relationships. I'm so sorry that that's...
by Heather
Tue Oct 19, 2021 12:44 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

It's very normal to be afraid of parents who have engaged in emotional abuse, which is what this kind of control is. It's not a kind of caring or love, and I know that that is hard to hear and to take in, and it's not something I'd ever expect someone to take in and accept all at once. But it isn't....
by Heather
Tue Oct 19, 2021 11:33 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

I know that you do. Please know that we understand these kinds of dynamics, and we also know the effects they have on someone who grows up in them. We get that this isn't about you being lazy, or not doing things when you easily can. You asked me the other day if I'd ever known anyone in your kind o...
by Heather
Tue Oct 19, 2021 10:00 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

You don’t need to apologize for what your parents are doing, Jenny. It’s not your fault. I would like to talk with you in some more depth about the dynamics of this level of control, though, and explain more to you about how this is a type of abuse. I feel like it’s this elephant that keeps sitting ...
by Heather
Fri Oct 15, 2021 12:44 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

I’m happy to respond to what you’ve posted here, but before I do, can you also do me a favor and respond to my questions about accessing specific or general adoptee resources or disability services? That way I can know what kinds of options and resources you might be willing to engage with/have to w...
by Heather
Fri Oct 15, 2021 10:40 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

Thanks for filling me in. For sure, if it can be avoided, and it doesn't seem like the possible benefits outweigh the detriment, we don't want to have you doing anything that could result in you being any MORE isolated or losing any of the agency you do have, like losing the loss of your phone. Agai...
by Heather
Fri Oct 15, 2021 6:14 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

Hey, Jenny. I’m off today, but I want to keep up with you. I also have more to say here, but can you remind me what “getting in trouble” looks like for you?

In other words, what happens when you get in trouble?
by Heather
Thu Oct 14, 2021 12:10 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

Hey there, Jenny. So, from where I'm sitting, especially given that you are a legal adult now, it sounds to me like the most likely way you're going to get more autonomy, given all you have said here, isn't by getting it FROM your parents, but by giving it to yourself. In other words, it sounds like...
by Heather
Wed Oct 13, 2021 8:20 am
Forum: Bodies
Topic: Penetration impossible
Replies: 1
Views: 214

Re: Penetration impossible

Hey there, massimo. Welcome to the boards. :) It doesn’t actually sound like anything is wrong here to me so much as that you’re discovering some of the particulars of this anatomy. For instance, that “orange peel” feeling spot you touched was likely the urethral sponge, or what some folks call the ...
by Heather
Tue Oct 12, 2021 10:01 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Aroused with a Sensitive Clitoris
Replies: 3
Views: 125

Re: Aroused with a Sensitive Clitoris

Hey, spottedowl. I wonder if you might be able to say a little more about why you think you're feeling guilty for what sounds to me like a) feeling connected to and at home in your own cultural and racial community as well as b) attractions you don't actually have control over. I don't hear you sayi...
by Heather
Mon Oct 11, 2021 12:32 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

Hey, Jenny. For any conversations/strategizing like this, I don't really feel like I have a sense of what generally works with them and doesn't in conversations that challenge them. Do you? Can you fill me in some so I can get a better sense to be able to make some suggestions that are likely to be ...
by Heather
Thu Oct 07, 2021 2:20 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Masturbation questions
Replies: 13
Views: 352

Re: Masturbation questions

It might be that an emotionally safer step for both of you is to first just see how you feel talking more about this together. We can find out a lot about how we might feel with someone being sexual with them in any way by how we feel talking with them about sex. Often, if we're not comfortable talk...
by Heather
Thu Oct 07, 2021 2:16 pm
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Masturbation troubles
Replies: 14
Views: 310

Re: Masturbation troubles

Hey there, hello_world. I'm curious: these conflicts that you're having, are they also conflicts when it comes to exploring pleasure that isn't just genital? In other worlds, it sounds to me like you might benefit from some more holistic exploration anyway, with a wider focus, that might make things...
by Heather
Thu Oct 07, 2021 1:52 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

Sure. I think that you deserve autonomy for yourself, for whatever you decide you want it for in your life, based on your own wants, needs and agenda, not based on what your parents or anyone else wants or thinks you should want or have. I also know, as someone who works in sex and relationships, th...
by Heather
Wed Oct 06, 2021 1:23 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

You know, I wouldn't personally frame this as "You want me to get a boyfriend, I need more autonomy." Effectively saying they need to give you more independence only to go wind up with interdependence on someone else is problematic in a whole bunch of ways. I can talk about why if you want...
by Heather
Tue Oct 05, 2021 9:46 am
Forum: Bodies
Topic: why do I have so much vaginal discharge?
Replies: 1
Views: 140

Re: why do I have so much vaginal discharge?

Hi there, utgard. Welcome to the boards. No matter what is or isn't going on with your discharge, it sounds like you should check in with a/your OB/GYN. Having periods that won't stop and then not having them for several months are both things that should be investigated to be sure you're okay. Whil...
by Heather
Mon Oct 04, 2021 1:44 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: So there's a guy...
Replies: 85
Views: 1644

Re: So there's a guy...

Hi there, Jenny. I've been away for a bit, so I'm just getting caught up with you and what all's been going on. I agree with you (if I get you right) that saying you should "get a boyfriend" is a pretty mixed message to give someone whose autonomy you don't support. Not to mention that wan...
by Heather
Thu Aug 05, 2021 2:15 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 106
Views: 30684

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Hey there, sandpiper. I'm sorry to hear about this. These kinds of pervasive thoughts and feelings can feel really terrifying. I know that it's going to feel very cliché of me to ask and put out there, but I feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't: one common cause for this kind of thing is sexual traum...
by Heather
Thu Aug 05, 2021 2:06 pm
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Masturbating and my friends
Replies: 1
Views: 913

Re: Masturbating and my friends

Hey there. I'm sorry that your friends reacted this way. It's actually not uncommon for that to happen -- a lot of young people are really uncomfortable talking about masturbation with friends, especially in a group of friends, and in that kind of situation, often many will react that way. Some peop...
by Heather
Thu Aug 05, 2021 2:01 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Hi can I have some advice please?
Replies: 1
Views: 743

Re: Hi can I have some advice please?

Hey there, Jenny. I hope you've been doing okay. So, we can't make anyone like us in any capacity, let alone a specific capacity: people are gonna feel how they're going to feel, and that's just not something we can control. Want to fill me in on a bit more of this picture so I can get a better sens...
by Heather
Mon Aug 02, 2021 3:57 pm
Forum: Sexual Identity
Topic: This happened to me today. Now what?
Replies: 5
Views: 1533

Re: This happened to me today. Now what?

I get it -- it's not unusual when you're young to go into relationships and not make any agreements about exclusivity or not, or for people to just assume exclusivity or assume that you're not exclusive. Unfortunately, what happens when you don't talk about it and make any agreements is that soon en...
by Heather
Mon Aug 02, 2021 3:07 pm
Forum: Sexual Identity
Topic: This happened to me today. Now what?
Replies: 5
Views: 1533

Re: This happened to me today. Now what?

Hey there, SilverX.

So, what's your agreement with your boyfriend about seeing other people? Is it okay for both of you to be sexual with other people without each of you telling the other? Is that something you've agreed on before this, a don't-ask-don't-tell, or....?

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